And now, a short story about young Vitya and his homework from me and @tosquinha !!! <3 

~*~*~

It was late. So late. But Viktor was determined. If he finished his homework, Coach Feltsman would let him have the next day off, and he wanted it. No– he needed it. The hotels they stayed at for competition were normally so pedestrian, but this one was fancy. Fancier than almost any he’d ever stayed in. It had queen beds, not doubles, so he could completely stretch out, end to end, and the shower head came off in his hands which meant he could rinse off like an elephant. But best of all, the swimming pool was in an atrium with trees. They’d walked by it earlier, on the way to the lobby, and the rock feature at one end created a waterfall to keep the heated pool moving.

It would be like swimming in the jungle.  

Like a tiger.

He had to. He just had to.

But only if he finished his homework.

“I could just go for a quick swim, though, Coach. Ten minutes.”

“No. I won’t be held responsible for slipping grades. You said yourself that your instructors were as strict as Lilia,” the old man said, clearing his throat with a glance to the North, toward Russia, as if he were sure they were watching them from afar.

He had a point. They would probably eat him alive.

Unfortunately, the homework in question was a world history report, which was one of Viktor’s worst subjects. It wasn’t that he was unintelligent. Far from it. It was just difficult for him to find purpose in busy work, and therefor force himself to do it. His teachers knew all about the collapse of the Soviet Union already, and all about the changing political atmosphere of the Western European front, but what did that have to do with him? Or dancing? And why was he having to cut and color hand outs? He was much too old for that. It proved nothing.

Groaning, Viktor scissored his feet in the air while he coloring the various pages in front of him, deciding that if he waited to cut them out after, he’d at least be able to clean up his messy lines. And, that way, he could draw in the margins. Adding unicorns and dragons and things between the Russian imports and exports seemed like the most natural thing to do. And a wolf could eat the potato that represented the 2.5% of vegetable products. Perfect.

“That’s how they cross the river, you know, Coach.”

“…What?”

“The wolf and the potato. It’s…” he yawned. “… ….never mind.”

The dragon curled around the 9.9% of of metals, which he colored gold. The unicorn stood majestically by the minerals. 48%. Probably salts and… he checked his text book, but found nothing of use in the two seconds he searched, so colored it pink. Because it was pretty.

“Vitya, you should finish in the morning.”

“What? No way. I’m getting really close.” He looked over his sheet, most of which was colored and ready to be cut out for gluing. “And I’ve learned a lot, surprisingly. Though I don’t know what ‘unspecified’ means. 16% of our exports aren’t defined. Probably crime. Right, Coach? Is crime an export?” Viktor picked up a grey colored pencil, because he had come to accept that crime was never black and white. Especially since his coach may or may not have been involved in the mafia if rumors were true.

“You’ve colored the flag wrong.”

Blinking, Viktor looked back down at the page. “No I didn’t.”

“It goes white, blue, red, not blue, white, red, Vitya. You’re tired. It’s time for bed.”

“…oh, no, that’s France, Coach. I… well, you know, because…”

“A sideways French flag?” Yakov arched a heavy brow, amused at the blushing student, but unimpressed.

Viktor turned the sheet 90 degrees. “Hey, why are you being difficult, little flag?”

“Bed, Vitya. You can finish in the morning.”

“But Coach! I have to finish! I wanna go swimming. Tiger swimming. I’ll make a new flag! Do you have any paper?”

“Tomorrow.” Then he laughed. He couldn’t help it. “You can swim in the morning and then we’ll ask the front desk for some paper. Now put those scissors away; if you’re tired enough to mess up the flag, you’ll end up cutting off your fingers.”

“Okay!”

~*~*~

Writing by me, art by Quel~ :))) 

SURVEY of DOOM

Tagged by @popcornfrommars ! Hey thanks!

Rules: answer twenty questions about yourself and tag twenty people. If you don’t want to do it, feel free not to. Skip any questions that you don’t want to answer/feel uncomfortable with.

1) Favorite color: I don’t even know. I am so bad at answering this question. Mediterranean blue? Crimson red? Sage green? Emerald? IDK MAYBE I JUST REALLY LIKE NINJA TuRTLES

2) Favorite songs: Kiss From a Rose (Seal), Kiss Me (Sixpence), Tigerlily (La Roux), Dream a Little Dream (The Mamas & the Papas), The Lion’s Roar (First Aid Kit), etc etc etc 

3) Favorite bands: The Beatles, Muse, Linkin Park, Fallout Boy, Depeche Mode, My Chemical Romance, Mamo, Sheppard

4) Country where I live: USA

5) Gender: Female (though I tend to write in gender neutral unless I’m going for a specific character/voice by default, whatever that means)

6) Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw. Hey, I took the official test and that’s where they put me.

7) Zodiac sign: Virgo.

8) Birthday: August 28th.

9) Cities I want to visit: Anaheim (because Disneyland), plus all of the other cities with Disney parks, uhh… San Diego, Big Sur.. national… park… city, Tokyo, LONDON (again), Paris (wait I think there’s a Disneyland there!), (oh wait there’s one in Tokyo, too), I’d love to go back to Texas and all ‘round those parts again, and out in Raleigh, plus New York City… and somewhere in Canada… and I need to go back to Seattle soon…  IDK I love traveling but there are so few places that it’s kind of like “THE WHOLE WORLD” is where I want to visit!

10) Favorite place I’ve been to: This is hard. On the one hand, Disneyland. On the other hand: FFFFFFRIGGIN ENGLAND. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH. It was so amazing!

11) Currently studying/working in: Commercial Real Estate, of all things! Doing graphic design. It’s so much fun!

12) Current lockscreen/wallpaper: I have Gengar on my phone and some naturey wallpaper that changes on my laptop.

13) What made you choose your url: ‘Gab’ is taken everywhere, but ‘gabapple’ isn’t. It comes from “Gab app/web/wiz” from my days as a mod on a Pokemon roleplaying MUSH.

14)  Are there people from this site you would like to meet: Yeah!!! That would be awesome, and one of the best parts about going to conventions. I love meeting fans and making new friends!!! 

15)  Will you talk to classmate in public? When I see my coworkers out in the wild, I always kind of panic, but they’re all so great. I love talking to them!

16) Last book you read: Hmmm… Stephen King’s The Bazaar of Bad Dreams, which is a collection of short stories. I’m currently reading Hook’s Revenge by Heidi Schulz, which is awesome! 

17) Favorite tv show: That’s hard. I never watch TV live, just binge watch on netflix/dvd/whatever. Right now, we’re rewatching Pokemon, so I’m digging that a lot. I loved Stranger Things, and watched Lady Dynamite recently, which was also great… Scream Queens was fantastic, as was American Horror Story, and I love The Worst Cooks in America… IDK… Super 4? 

18) What do you want to be when you grow up: A published author/illustrator who does book tours! And also works as a graphic designer at a commercial real estate firm, because I don’t expect to become the next JK Rowling… 

19)  Favorite online shopping site: Amazon. PRIME SHIPPING YAH

20) Books or movies: JurASSIC PARK. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES. Black Beauty. Ender’s Game. 101 Dalmatians. You don’t even know if I’m talking about books or movies! !! It could be both!!! 

Oh wait are they asking me to choose between them? Because I don’t think that’s a fair question. I like it best when they’re companions. Movies are my favorite, but a book does a lot of things that a movie cannot, and movies do a lot of things that a book cannot… as evidenced by my above answer there. 

When you have a successful book and movie, you get the best of both worlds. It doesn’t matter if the movie is an exact replica of the book so long as it captures the spirit of the story; so long as it’s faithful to the heart of what really matters. If a story is really timeless, it can endure in different languages and retellings, adapting and morphing, bending, folding, changing here and there and still be in tact in essence. So it’s okay if the movie is different, as long as the director/script writer/etc understand said essence. 

Then you can get that same feeling while getting multiple interpretations of the story, and better understand it, taking it in even more deeply…! 

<3 

Anyway what was I saying?  Oh right.  

I TAG: @trypchangeling @anyahatesbunnies  and anyone else who wants to do this because I’m pretty sure that most of my friends have already been tagged maybe???

deadcatwithaflamethrower:

the-last-hair-bender:

ashermajestywishes:

bearhugsbeerhugs:

neurodiversitysci:

adhd-community:

philosophium:

Do I have any followers with ADHD? Or does anyone have some really good information on it? I want to write a character who has ADHD but I don’t know anything about it except the basics so I’m looking to educate myself. Any help beyond a wiki article would appreciated! 

Friends, what would you like to see in an ADHD character?

One thing I gleefully identify with is the level of restless frustration experienced by BBC’s Sherlock during boredom (not that Sherlock is necessarily ADHD – let’s not open that diagnostic nightmare of a discussion please!).

I would like to see more of a struggle with internal noise shown in media. Often I see the bouncy, silly outsider view of the disorder and I would greatly appreciate seeing a wider range of symptoms/experiences, including the ones that make us want to pull out our hair. For me, off medication, being in a room where I am required to be silent, still, and focusing is basically my own personal hell.

It doesn’t at all need to be all doom and gloom, just not squirrel-chasing-8-year-old-boy-stereotype so much please!

First of all, philosophium, thanks for asking!

I’m glad ADHD community replied, because they’re a good source of facts about ADHD presented from an ADHD perspective. So, you learn some of what you’d get in a psych textbook, but also what it feels like from the inside.

If you’re really starting from zero, this Buzzfeed article is a nice place to start. 

Here’s some miscellaneous information about ADHD that will hopefully help you write more accurate, and less stereotypical, characters.

1) We’re Not All Extraverted, Hyper, Happy Go Lucky Males. We can be male or female, child or adult. I’d love to see an introverted, non-hyperactive ADHD character, ideally a male one. Or an ADHD character who obsessively overthinks, and is prone to anxiety and perfectionism.

2) Look at Both Extremes. In real life, some people with ADHD can only multitask while others can only hyperfocus. Some people with ADHD can focus on the details while ignoring the big picture, others see the big picture brilliantly but miss all the details, while others can bounce back and forth but can’t see both at the same time. Some of us are laid back and prefer to go with the flow, while others react to their disabilities by becoming extremely perfectionistic and trying to plan everything ahead of time (me). Some of us have IQ in the gifted range (see “need for stimulation”), while others have low IQ or severe developmental delays (children who are born prematurely, have lead poisoning, or who have fetal alcohol syndrome often have ADHD). Almost all the people I know with ADHD are artists, scientists, or both.

3) ADHD Is a Disability of Executive Function. Executive function is a confusing mess of tasks performed by the frontal lobe that allow us to control our behavior and respond flexibly and optimally to a changing environment. Some executive functions include working memory, inhibition (i.e., stopping oneself from doing or thinking something), task switching, sustained attention, planning, decision making, prioritizing, prospective memory.

4) We Can Pay Attention, We Just Can’t Regulate It. We can focus for hours on something that interests us, or on procrastinating. We’re not good at focusing on things that we find boring or that don’t matter to us. We also aren’t good at controlling the amount of attention we pay. This is how our attention works:

5) ADHD is a Production Problem, Not a Learning Problem. A lot of us excel at getting information into our brains, especially when it interests us. The difficulty is producing something that shows what we’ve learned by a deadline–be it a paper, a presentation, or a project. For some of us, the hardest part of any assignment is finishing it and turning it in on time in the correct format. If we can do these things, we’ll probably get an A; if we can’t, we’ll probably fail. As a result, the idea of “gradating your effort” doesn’t apply well to us (telling us to “stop being so perfectionistic and do the minimum” makes no sense to us), and our achievement can be all-or-nothing.

6) We Don’t All Get Bad Grades, Or Misbehave in School. Those of us who are smart, learn easily, and are interested in school can get good grades until the demands for organized, well-formatted, and on-time work overwhelm our abilities to produce (see #5). Those with inattentive ADHD, when bored, tend to daydream, look out the window, or draw rather than misbehave. Teachers might not notice these students at all–or might even see them as well-behaved and a joy to teach.

7) Need for Stimulation. As ADHD community said, an ADHD character who is wildly intelligent, and when bored, feels as if they’re in a sensory deprivation tank. Boredom is Chinese water torture. Each second is a drop of water. How we react to this varies. Some are constantly bored and highly aware of their search for stimulation. Others, like me, think they’re never bored because they’ve become very good at keeping themselves occupied. I always carried a book to read and a sketchbook to draw in with me, and I would read even while crossing the street. Only when I needed to learn to cook did I realize I can get bored within literally 10 seconds.

8) Sometimes, what’s “hard” or “complex” is easy for us, and what’s “easy” or “simple” for others is hard for us. Especially if we’re also gifted. See: http://neurodiversitysci.tumblr.com/post/12568168808/the-complex-is-simple-the-simple-complexif

9) Memory Problems. I’d like to see an ADHD character who has a terrible memory, and struggles with the psychological/identity consequences of that and not just the academic ones. They’re constantly writing things down, and constantly worrying about how to organize the record of their life, or about what would happen if it were destroyed in a fire/flood/other accident. The most impaired form of memory, though, is prospective memory, the ability to remember what you are going to do. Memory problems are some of my worst ADHD traits, yet I rarely see them discussed. 

10) Paradoxes of Reminders and Clutters. Because of our memory problems, you might think the answer is simple: just put post-it notes everywhere. And indeed, even other ADHD-ers often advise us to use colorful post-it notes and put them everywhere. However, visual clutter shuts our brains off, so we stop looking at these post it notes and reminders–or even look right at them and don’t register their existence. Another version: if items aren’t visible, I forget that they exist. (For example, I forget about food in the back of the refrigerator until it goes bad; I forget about clothes in the corner of the closet). But if too many things are visible, I stop being able to see them. They just look like clutter, an undifferentiated “bunch of stuff” to me. It would seem like the answer is to get rid of as much stuff as possible, but the decisions involved take hours and leave me exhausted.

11) The Paradox of Routines/Habits: Habits help us function despite our inability to remember what we’re supposed to be doing and our tendency to get sidetracked in the middle. That’s because habits require no thought, attention, or memory–we do them automatically. 

The problem is, it’s almost impossible for us to make the habit in the first place because we can’t consistently remember to do it. So, you get people with ADHD who forget to take their medication for the very reasons they need it in the first place.

12) Inconsistency. An ADHD character whose functioning is inconsistent from day to day and so feels he/she can’t rely on him/herself. There’s a lot of research on this “intra-individual variability” and indeed, it ranks among the most consistently-found traits found in both children and adults.

13) When we’re exhausted or overwhelmed, or a life crisis happens, we can stop being able to do basic things we used to be able to do. Maybe we used to be able to get to work/school on time, remember when assignments were due, or have a consistent morning routine. Now we’re no longer able to get out of the house on time, remember our assignments, or remember to take our medicine or brush our teeth in the morning. When this happens to me, I realize how much energy and attention I’m putting into doing “basic” things and wonder when I’ll ever “get them under control” so I can focus on learning new things.

14) Slow or Inconsistent Processing Speed. We don’t always talk fast and display high energy (I wish!). Some of us struggle with fatigue and slow processing speed (see: Sluggish Cognitive Tempo, a proposed subtype of Inattentive ADHD). For example, I usually feel mentally and emotionally tired–I feel after a full night’s sleep the way most people do after three or four hours of sleep. The more tired I feel, the more difficulty I have concentrating, multitasking, remembering to do things, and making decisions. This is one reason why stimulants and even wakefulness medications can help. Some people, like me, have inconsistent processing speed. Sometimes I think and talk so fast it irritates others, I find what’s happening around us boring (think of the world’s longest meeting), and I interrupt others. Other times, I am just about to answer someone’s question when they irritably repeat themselves or ask why I’m taking so long to answer. It feels like I’m  thinking and talking at the normal speed, but others’ reactions make clear that we’re going much faster or slower than they are. Our relative strengths and weaknesses can affect when we think faster vs. slower than normal. For example, I finished the verbal portion of the SAT and checked my answers multiple times halfway through the time limit. I then had to sit there, bored, until the time was up. On the other hand, I ran out of time on the math section before I could check my work.

15) Some of us are socially awkward penguins, not graceful adrenaline junkies. There’s a stereotype that we’re adrenaline junkies who perform surgeries and jump out of planes. Or, we’re social butterflies who compensate for our school difficulties by playing class clown or making friends with everyone. But some of us are physically or socially awkward. Socially, lapses in attention can make us say things that come off as awkward or rude. Our poor sense of timing and inconsistent processing speed can throw off our conversational rhythm, making us interrupt–or just appear odd. Many of us also have motor coordination delays and difficulties (and research bears this out). As kids, we might have had difficulty using scissors, writing, tying our shoes, throwing or catching a ball, or riding a bike. We can have social and/or motor difficulties without meeting criteria for autism spectrum disorder. (Although a lot of people with ADHD have autism, too–see below).

16) Anxiety. Most of us develop anxiety, for all sorts of reasons. We’re prone to overthinking, to begin with. We have to worry about others misunderstanding us and calling us lazy, stupid, flaky, or rude. Some of us develop an exhausting habit of “constant vigilance” because we know of no other way to avoid making ADHD mistakes (losing things, forgetting things, math/writing errors, running late, etc.).

17) Co-occurring conditions. ADHD rarely rides alone. People with ADHD often have dyslexia, math disability, sensory processing disorder, dyspraxia, autism spectrum disorder, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or allergies. Immune system or digestive problems might make us even more inconsistent.

18) Our family members are likely to have ADHD or autism–diagnosed or otherwise. Many people report being diagnosed with ADHD after their own children were diagnosed. Like autism, dyslexia, and other disabilities, ADHD is highly heritable, meaning that it’s highly likely that someone with ADHD traits will have children with the same traits (and their parents probably have them, too). I have a younger brother on the spectrum, and have met a number of other older ADHD sisters with younger autistic brothers. While the gender thing may be a fluke, I have read that ADHD and autism share genetic causes and can run together in families. 

19) We have a variety of attitudes towards our ADHD. Some of us see ADHD as uniformly disabling, preventing us from using our talents and passions Other people see ADHD as a gift. People with each of these viewpoints sometimes see the opposite as harmful to people with ADHD. Still others view ADHD as a trait like any other, which can have positive or negative effects depending on how one chooses to use it and what environment one is in. (Personally, I see ADHD, in general, as a set of traits. However, I see mine as mostly negative because they have been impairing me recently and preventing me from pursuing a longstanding dream. I view my ADHD traits as preventing me from using many of my talents and passions. However, there are environments where they’d be less disabling, and I’m currently trying to find them).

20) Being diagnosed and labeled can have good effects, too. There’s a sense of relief, of understanding, of not being broken, of having words for one’s experience. The book title “You mean I’m not lazy, stupid, or crazy?” captures the feeling pretty well, I think. I’ve also written about the benefits of diagnosis and the crappiness of growing up without diagnosis a LOT–see this, this, most of all, this:

“…that sense that there was some mysterious thing wrong with me. (Do you know what it feels like, to carry around a sense that something is wrong with you, always ready to erupt, and not know what’s wrong or why? To have people constantly pointing out when you do something wrong but never acknowledging that mysterious brokenness–pointing out the elephant dung and squished sofa in your living room but never mentioning the elephant or offering to help get it out of your living room? And since no one will talk about the elephant, you have no idea how to get it out of your living room, so you’re just stuck with it there. No one can tell you how to fix what’s broken).”  

21) Stimulants don’t necessarily turn you into a zombie. They aren’t necessarily a cure-all, either, and some of us choose not to take them. I have yet to find a medication at a dose I can take daily, because it makes me completely lose my appetite. I only take it during emergencies–high-stakes days where I’m not able to function, and/or due to other health problems acting up, I can’t drink coffee. This isn’t the only side effect. Some people get migraines from stimulants. These medications can also slightly stunt children’s growth.

22) ADHD can be seriously disabling. ADHD looks on the surface like something “everyone deals with,” but as the experiences I’ve described above suggest, it can cause serious problems in school, work, and relationships. The large-scale MTA study, which followed hundreds of girls and boys with ADHD into adulthood, found some poor outcomes, including higher rates of self-injury and mental illness; adolescent substance use; eating disorders; and poorer relationships with peers in adolescence and parents and partners in adulthood. ADHD has also been linked to lower test performance, poorer education and work performance, greater risk of accidents, and obesity. Researchers and the media tend to describe these problems as a result of the ADHD traits themselves, especially impulsivity. But the way we treat people with ADHD probably has a lot to do with the bad outcomes. One contributing factor: many, especially those diagnosed late in life, develop crippling shame and self-hatred. 

23) We’re also awesome! People with ADHD can be creative, energetic, passionate, thoughtful, academically skilled, empathetic, entrepreneurial, and more. Famous people in every walk of life have diagnosed ADHD, and many past geniuses have traits. Like other disabilities, ADHD colors how we experience and act in the world, but it does not diminish us or make us less human.   


24) Bonus point that doesn’t fit anywhere: I’ve noticed that smart women with ADHD have a very distinctive style of talking. We talk fast, crowding as many ideas into a sentence as possible before we forget what we’re saying. We are trying to pack a lot complicated thoughts into a short amount of time. We veer off on tangents whenever someone says something interesting. If two of us start talking, we can go on for hours and never run out of things to say–and also never return to the topic we started with. To those who do not have ADHD, we sound rambling or incoherent. To other women with ADHD, we make perfect sense and the conversation feels exhilarating, with the energy building increasingly as we talk. We sound incoherent to others but not each other because our thoughts are arranged in a very dense and logical web, but we move through the web in a zig-zagging pattern based on associations instead of a straight line. The zig-zag pattern happens in part because with our short working memory, our span of awareness is extremely short. So we operate on associations; everything reminds us of something else. Other people’s words, objects in the room, and music we hear reminds us of something, but then then we forget what we were talking about before. We’re constantly forgetting what we were talking about or what we were doing in the middle. As a result, some of us have a bad habit of interrupting others in order to get our message out before we forget it. 

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask! Sorry this was so long…

This list is GOLD

Pure gold

Well……shit.  :/

This is one of the best explanatory lists I have EVER seeen.

How to tell if you are emotionally abusive

shoujocowboy:

hobbitkaiju:

ecologicallyincoherent:

lora-mathis:

annnmoody:

fuckyeahwomenprotesting:

I feel we talk about signs of abuse from the victims standpoint but not from the abusers standpoint. In order to stop emotional abuse and recognize when we engage in unhealthy behaviors I made this list.

  • Do you react to important people in your life by ignoring them completely and not acknowledging their presence? Especially if they do something you don’t like?
  • Do you feel that your partner/friends/family members are the cause of your bad moods or frustration?
  • Does your partner/etc “do things the wrong way”?
  • Do criticize your partner/etc for being unreliable or a bad person?
  • Do you feel you have to constantly overlook your partners flaws in order to be around them?
  • Are you frequently accused of being “moody” or “hard to please”?
  • Do your partners complain that “nothing they do is good enough?
  • Do your partners appear to avoid you when you are angry or upset rather then comfort you?
  • Do you negatively comment on their intelligence or appearence? Either in private or in front of others.
  • Do you blame them when someone goes wrong?
  • Do you ever use phrases like “I could just hit you right now” or “I”m so mad I could punch something”?
  • Do you ever punch walls/throw things in front of your partner/etc?
  • Do you leave during fights and not inform of where you are going and when you will be back?
  • Do you behave the same alone with your partner that you do if you were in front of your friends or in public?
  • Have you frequently accused your partner of being too sensitive?
  • How often is your partner praised and complimented by yourself?
  • Do you think your partner spends too much time with friends and family?
  • Do you feel your partners friends and family are trying to drive you apart?
  • Do you actively comfort your partner when they are upset or angry even if you don’t really understand why they feel the way they do?
  • If your partner brings up a behavior that bothers them do you respond by discussing how to change it or do you respond defensively?
  • Do you have difficulty apologizing?

All of these things are abuse tactics. Obviously even the healthiest of us will do these sometimes but if any one becomes a regular habit that’s when the problem starts.

this is super important, i feel like this website makes it easy to put yourself in the role of the victim but never the abuser. It’s also important to note that being a victim does not preclude you from being an abuser.

I find this esp. important. I’ve exhibited some of these behaviors. I know abuse perpetuates abuse and that victims of abuse learn abusive behavior. I also know that having mental illness can make reacting and dealing with feelings even more difficult. That being said: being mentally ill does not mean you cannot be held accountable for your actions. Nor does being a survivor of abuse. I gotta take care of myself & heal and recognize how trauma and mental illness plays a role in how I treat others. Being a victim doesn’t mean you cannot be an abuser too. 

One of the reasons I always recommend Lundy Bancroft book ‘why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men’ to everyone is because it is an invaluable tool for highlighting the toxic aspects in our own personalities. 

All men have been socialised with some of the traits/behaviours he speaks of, and the behaviours encourage attitudes and then the attitudes entrench behaviours. Breaking this cycle takes determination, honesty and self care, but it’s in invaluable journey.

I will also reiterate that abuse/abusive mentalities are not always consistent between relationships with the same person. What negatively affects one partner will slide right off the shoulders of or be immediately curtailed by another. What one partner needs another partner dislikes or doesn’t want. What will cause one relationship type to crash and burn horribly will support or confirm another relationship type. This is why abusers often have functional friendships and disastrous romantic relationships. This is why some poly abusers can have very functional relationships with one partner and disastrously harmful ones with another. Or, have great nonprimary relationships and terrifying primary ones, or whatever. Sometimes we believe it is acceptable to mistreat or behave badly only in specific types of relationship, so watch for that both in yourself and in others. 

also, to note, having abusive behaviors does not make you evil. it means that you’ve learned some unhealthy coping mechanisms.

the great news is that you can UNLEARN them and get new, healthy behaviors that will make sure that you and those close to you will thrive. 😀

stoled a meme

thanks to @amixedreality for encouraging anyone to steal

RULES: Tag 10 followers that you would like to get to know better.  NO RULES! Do this if you want!!! 

NAME: Melissa or Gab
NICKNAME[S!]: Gabapple, Gabs, Gabbergabber, etc
STAR SIGN/ZODIAC: Virgo
GENDER: Female. She/her. They/them. 
HEIGHT: 5′6″ ~*~ so average ~*~
FAVORITE COLORS: red (crimson), blue (mediterranean), green (sage, emerald), grey (cool range), brown (chocolatey), pink (very pale strawberry), orange (bright fruity)… 
TIME RIGHT NOW: 10:39 PM MST
AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: 3-6. 7 on a really good day.
LUCKY NUMBERS: 2, 4, 6, 12, 16, 24, 144  (I really like even numbers)
LAST THING YOU GOOGLED: “how to fix arm fat” (I found nothing useful)
NUMBERS OF BLANKETS I SLEEP WITH: 2-4 
FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS: Ender (Ender’s Game), Conan/Shinichi (Detective Conan), Haru (Free!), Indiana Jones, Kaneda (Akira), Shinji (Neon Genesis Evangelion), Ashitaka (Princess Mononoke), Raphael & Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), Ash (Pokemon), Marinette & Adrienne (Ladybug), Simba (The Lion King), Aladdin, Judy & Nick (Zootopia), Lupin (the 3rd), Hakuba (Magic Kaito),  Kotetsu (Tiger & Bunny), Light (Death Note), etc… I definitely have a type or two…

FAVORITE BOOKS: Ender’s Game/Ender’s Shadow, Black Beauty, The One Hundred and One Dalmatians, Ella Enchanted

FAVORITE BANDS/ARTISTS: Muse… also the Beatles… I like way too much. Panic! At the Disco. Fallout Boy. Nickelcreek. Sixpence None the Richer. Taylor Swift (1989 was so good guys). Depeche Mode. Linkin Park. 

DREAM JOB: Current job (graphic designer) + occasionally going on book tours and teaching at workshops/cons!
WHAT AM I WEARING RIGHT NOW: Baggy jeans, teal blouse thing, white tank top, fitbit
WHAT DO YOU POST ABOUT? “wah wah I’m tired” “wah I hate writing” “here is a drawing of a cat” 
DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER BLOGS? Yeah, but I don’t really post much… I reblog stuff to @icklegab mostly.
WHEN DID YOUR BLOG REACH ITS “PEAK”? IDK. It hasn’t happened yet! I hope. 
WHO IS YOU MOST ACTIVE FOLLOWER?  Maybe @lemurcat ?? Or @mamodewberry

WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO GET A TUMBLR? idk I think people on a MUSH were talking about it. 

DO YOU GET ASKS ON A DAILY BASIS? LOL no way. I got asks when I was doing my Hakuba or Conan blog, but this account gets basically no asks. 
WHY DID YOU CHOOSE YOUR URL? ‘Gab’ is taken everywhere and ‘Gabpple’ is usually not. 
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Married! 
PETS: 3 fat cats
WAKE UP: w-what? Why?? 
CATS OR DOGS: Bothhh. Kitties are easier, though.
COKE OR PEPSI: That depends on what it’s for/with. Pepsi is sweeter than Coke, so I like it with really salty stuff (popcorn, potatoes)… BUT the biggest determination is if it’s cold or not. Cold = Pepsi. Room temperature = Coke. 
DAY OR NIGHT: Evening. I’m crepuscular. Like a hamster. 
TEXT OR CALL: TEXT PLEASE. Unless you’re my mom. Then you can call. 
CHAPSTICK OR LIPSTICK: Chapstick. I don’t even own any lipstick. 
CITY OR COUNTRY? Suburbia. City has restaurants and stores. Country has quiet and critters. I will be in the middle kthanks. 
LAST SONG I LISTENED TO: An 8-bit remix of the Legend of Zelda theme. 

mylifewithfel:

jeanox:

digitaltutorials:

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This article was written by Phil Straub back in 2005, and it is as fresh and vital today as it was then. Phil’s tips and trick are timeless, and can help you make your images pop!

Composition is everything! No amount of detail in an illustration or Concept Painting will be successful without a strong composition foundation.

Composition in Environment Concept painting can be quite difficult since your focal point usually isn’t as obvious as in a character piece. In this introduction to Composition we will explore the fundamentals used to create exciting and functional compositions along with a variety of composition techniques. Initially I will show some successful examples of iconic composition, formal composition, the rule of 3rds, the golden rule, etc. There will be a discussion on what makes each piece successful and an explanation on why the artist chose to describe the scene using a particular form of composition.

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When you take the canvas area and divide it into ‘thirds’ Horizontally and Vertically, where the lines cross in the picture area is a ‘Golden Mean’, or the best spot in which to place your Main Subject or Object of Interest as it is the Focal Point of your picture. The golden rule originates from the Ancient Greeks, since they were great mathematicians as well as artisans, they came to the conclusion that there needed to be a certain balance in composition for it to be pleasing to the eye. They further developed this theory and defined what they called “power points,” Power points are located at the point where the lines used in the golden rule intersect. By placing a main subject on a power point, it further defined that subject as the focal point.

The golden rule can and usually is applied to a paintings canvas proportions. As you read through the following text you’ll notice that most of the imagery presented utilizes similar dimensions and almost all of them fall into the “golden rectangle.” Today you can find the Golden Rectangle almost everywhere: from credit cards to phone cards to book covers, all are shaped with its proportions. The Golden Ratio (the ratio of the longer and shorter sides of the Golden Rectangle) also appears in many natural phenomena. The ratio between the length of your nose and the distance from the bottom of the chin to the bottom of the nose is the golden ratio. The spiral growth of crustaceans follows the golden spiral. The divine proportions are an in-built (or in-grained) aesthetic parameter we judge beauty by.

The imagery [above] represents the division of space when the “golden rule” is applied to a blank canvas. Basically it is the division of a line in two sections, where the ratio between the smallest section and the largest section is identical to the ratio between the largest section and the entire length of the line. In other words A/B = B/(A+B). The ratio is about 1/1.618. Honestly, I’m still not exactly sure what that all means? but, I do know that I used this grid layout a-lot when I first started painting and found it helpful. I still do.

In the beginning you may find it useful to use this as an overlay for every concept piece you do. Having this grid float over your imagery as a reminder of where to place the objects of importance in the scene may help you as your develop your composition.

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From the golden rule came the “rule of thirds” which is virtually the same concept but slightly altered to fit photographic proportions.I find it a bit easier to follow since it’s very simple in its origin.Here we have a look at the rule of thirds in action.

Notice that the main focal point sits right almost directly over one of the “golden means.” Additionally, other objects are placed near the other converging lines (the bird, for example) but, not directly on them, since that would create competition for the focal point.

There are Four Spots where these lines cross the Upper Left the Lower Left, the Upper Right and the Lower Right. Please note that all the “hotspots” are away from the center position in the picture frame.

The two best “power points” are the Upper Right and the Lower Right because the eye enters the picture frame at the lower left hand corner of the picture frame, travels to the center of the picture area and then reaches the right hand ‘Golden Mean’ position where it stops to look at the ‘Center Of Interest’.

The reason the eye enters a picture at the lower left side is because we are taught to read from Left to Right. This is a psychological fact that has been proven over the years. Next time you’re in an art gallery or art museum that shows the Old Masters paintings, notice how many have the Center Of Interest in the “Golden Rule” positions.

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‘Implied Forms’ are a combination of ‘Implied Lines’ and they help to hold a painting together. The eye enjoys these interesting forms and will stay in the picture area to examine each one of them, if they are present. The following text and sample imagery will demonstrate a variety of implied forms and composition approaches.

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The Circle is made up of a continuous ‘Curve’ and it’s circular movement keeps the eye in the picture frame. There are many circles in nature and man made objects. You can use the circle in a very obvious way in your composition or simply suggest it.

 The  image [below] is a very obvious and deliberate usage of circular composition. Notice how the circular shapes created by the dragons also follow a path that leads your eye towards the focal point.

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Another example of circular composition! Again, I chose this type of composition to enhance the feeling of motion in the piece. You can see how the eye follows the circular shapes across the picture plane to the focal point. Something interesting to note with this image, it actually uses two composition approaches at one time; circular composition and iconic composition.

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This has a ‘solid base’ and will show Stability. It also has Height and Strength. The Pyramids of Egypt have survived for thousands of years while other types of solid buildings have crumbled in to dust in less time. With the image below I was very deliberate with my arrangement of shapes so the triangle or pyramid composition is obvious. When I began this piece I simply started with a triangle shape as my starting point…nothing more than an abstract composition. I just let everything flow from there….and very quickly the painting began to take shape.

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Is a connection of ‘Lines’ meeting in the Center and an expansion of ‘Lines’ leaving the Center. The Radii is usually found in Nature Subjects. The best example of the man made Radii is the spokes of a wheel.

The eye has two ways to go when it comes upon the Radii. It can either be drawn in to the picture area or it can be led out of the picture area. You must be careful how you used the Radii and try to have the eye led into the picture.

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A showing of ‘Opposing Force’ that will give the picture a feeling of Cohesion and Relationship. The horizontal bar of the Cross will act as a “stopper’ while the vertical pole can act as a leading line. The windows in a large skyscraper will form crosses and will keep your interest in the building. The Cross also has religious meaning and the subtle use of the Cross can give hidden significance to an image.

In the painting below Hong Kuang uses the cross composition subtly. One could argue this piece is also using an “L Composition.” The strong line across the horizontal center that’s being formed by the characters body suggests “The Cross.” The somber facial expression and subject matter demonstrate an experienced artist’s ability to use symbolic composition to help tell a narrative.

To the right of that is  Daryl Mandryk’s work which  successfully combines a Cross composition with iconic composition. This is common composition choice for themes of heroism or comics. Fantasy artists like Brom and Frazetta use this type of composition in their work regularly.

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This makes an attractive ‘frame’. It can be used to accentuate important subjects. Many times it is a ‘frame’ within a ‘frame’.

A tree with an overhanging branch at the ‘right’ side of the picture area will form a ‘Rectangle’ and help frame the Main Subject in the picture. By doing this you will make the Center of Interest stand out and be noticed clearly.

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Some Art theorists contend that the most important information in the image should be placed near the center of the picture plane. This may seem confusing to some students since this contradicts many of the major principles of the “golden rule.” In general iconic composition should and can be used to describe a subject in a certain way. Iconic Composition or “Formal Subdivision” applies best to subjects of a dignified or religious nature. This style of composition was the approach of choice in earlier times and many excellent compositions have been made with it. Usually Iconic composition is used to describe symbolic subjects, heroic subjects, or religious subjects.

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I’ve taken the liberty of drawing over this imagery to demonstrate the division of space in iconic composition. This is a technique used by many illustrators to help define the division of space and focal point when creating an iconic illustration. Well know and renowned illustrator Andrew Loomis used this technique extremely well and his book “Creative Illustration” to demonstrate this further.

Notice, that while the focal point is slightly off center, all the converging lines lead to the center point of interest. Additionally, notice how the figures head sits directly in the diamond shape of the overlay lines I’ve created. It should also be noted that I chose this composition to further enhance the regal and heroic appearance of the character.

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Tong Wu uses Iconic composition perfectly here! Notice how the character again falls nearly at center of the canvas. I’ve taken the division of space a bit further on this imagery and have broken down the image into smaller segments so you can so how the artist balances everything in the piece.

Notice how the top right corner is almost a mirror image of the top left corner. In fact, look at almost any opposing segment in the painting, they are very similar! When creating iconic composition, it’s not necessary to duplicate each side exactly, but there should be a feeling of complete equalization of the units or masses, the line and spaces of one side with the other.

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So, there you have it, a variety of ways to deal with division of space when you first begin visualizing a painting or drawing. At the end of the day, theses approaches to composition are guides and simply a place to start. Once you become more comfortable with composing a scene you can begin to push the boundaries of formal composition.

Since most Environment Concept Artists work in the entertainment industries, its expected you will be asked to create cinematic moments or “memorable moments” utilizing the environment as a stage.

 You’ll want to use your mastery of composition to lead the viewer’s eye and really make the viewer feel like they’re in the scene. The single most important thing you simply must have in any Environment Concept Painting is a clear and dynamic focal point.

 Without a place for the viewer’s eye to rest, the painting will lack impact and won’t hold the attention of your audience. It’s the job of the Concept Artist to visualize what can’t be visualized in reality. Concept Artists are the first step in every production and therefore must create dynamic imagery that the rest of the team will be excited to build. There are a few cinematic tricks that you can use as a Concept Artist to make things appear more dynamic.

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Sometimes all it takes to add an extra bit of drama to your composition is a simple tilt of the camera. In the image to the right the viewer really feels like they are part of the action, simply by slanting the camera a bit. This approach is especially useful when you are trying to depict action in your environment.

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Many Concept Artists today, myself included, use perspective as a tool to create dynamic compositions that appear to have motion and lead the eye to the focal point clearly and concisely.

In the painting below you will notice I’ve used many of the objects that appear in the painting as opportunities to further guide the viewer to the “payoff.” Additionally, I tilted the camera a bit to add to the action.

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http://www.cgsociety.org/index.php/CGSFeatures/CGSFeatureSpecial/phil_straub_composition_tutorial

One of the most influential tutorials I ever read when I was first starting out. I still find this insanely useful, actually. So here you go. 🙂

what separates grownups from babies, composition.

A Game of Chase

Some of you know that once I finish Spark (a dcmk fanfic), I’m going to write another Detective Conan/Magic Kaito fic called A Lovely Day for Murder, aka Hakuba’s life storyI’ve been working on an outline off and on for the past few months, and writing practice snippets. Third person? First? I think it’ll likely be in first person, and written in the style (as best as I can manage) of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. 

We’ll see how that goes. 

In the meantime, here are the 1,300~ words that I wrote tonight as an experiment and distraction from the novel that I SHOULD be finishing but am not. Yet. It’s the setup for a heist, and may or may not end up in the fanfic book.

Crazy sorry to mobile users; it’s long. I got a little carried away and didn’t actually edit it at all (do I ever?), but hopefully Hakuba fans will enjoy it anyway. 

A Game of Chase

The
weather that night was harsh and cold; not altogether unusual for
mid-November, but unpleasant for those members of the police force that
were sequestered to the courtyard outside of the Grande Plaza hotel.
Nakamori-keibu had his men poised like hungry hounds at the end of their
leashes, straining, ready to give chase and attack. Even so, there were
sniffles under rain slickers, and anxious shifting from the chilly air.
An enormous stone lion stood guard on either side of the broad
staircase into the ballroom, staring down at the crowd in impassive
silence. It set the mood. Three minutes left.

The
inspector sneezed, but didn’t let his eyes close, glaring at the triad
of double doors, each french lattice and glass. Inside, the woman with
the Miner’s Emerald necklace stood, smiling, watching the clock. The
pendant wasn’t priceless, but it was worth more than most of the
officers would make over the entirety of their career; cut in the shape
of a heart, glittering pavonine blues, greens, and purples. It sat over
the strip of cleavage exposed by her low-cut evening gown. She touched
the gem, then brought her finger to her lips, biting just the tip of her
glove with her teeth. She was excited. KID was going to steal from her, and he’d have to touch her to get it.

“You
look pleased,” said the young detective who stood next to her. “Do you,
perhaps, have an ulterior motive for taking his challenge?”

The
woman shifted her dark-eyed gaze to him, eyes moving from his
fair-skinned face, down his body, and to his leather shoes. He was
young, she knew, but the square of his jaw and his professional demeanor
made him feel so much older. The cut of fabric served him well,
too; tailored for his lean frame in a way that expressed where his
strengths were- broad shoulders, thick thighs -while giving such a
subtle curve to the slender areas. He was handsome, to be sure, and thus
far, she’d been impressed with his wit and observation- that was why
she’d hired him, after all -but his accusation gave her pause.
Irritation, perhaps? Something of that sort.

Yes, she was
older; forty-three and showing the maturity in her face. But she was
well-endowed in the chest, her body was toned and firm where it should
have been, supple where it wasn’t. She’d spent a fortune on her beauty,
and no young, foreign detective was going to spoil her fun, even if she had
considered taking him to bed before. No, tonight her prey was Kaitou
KID. She wanted him to touch her to take the gem, to get close and
personal, able to take in his scent, feel his hand on her skin, and
then… have the British boy to retrieve it for her.

“No,”
she answered after she’d given herself a moment to consider her
feelings. “Of course not, Hakuba-kun.” Even though he’d not corrected
her on the matter, she knew that he preferred ‘san’ to ‘kun,’ but he was
still a boy and she was his employer. And she loved watching the
little twitch at the corner of his left eye when she did it. For all of
his steel nerves and composure, she could get under his skin, and that
gave her immense pleasure. “I didn’t tell him to steal this, you know. That was his doing. I’m simply complying.”

The
young detective carded long, thin fingers through the fringe of blond
over his forehead and sighed, mouth curving into a faint smirk of
amusement. “If you insist, Miyako-san. But, if you’d like my opinion,”
he said, dropping his voice and leaning  closer to her- just a few
inches, but it was enough that she could feel his breath on her ear when
he spoke. “I hardly think your advertisement in the newspaper was
necessary.” He pulled back with a little wink, but there was a sort of
slow way that he did it… like it wasn’t a suggestion; it was a
warning.

The woman brushed her hand over the wisp of dark
hair that had fallen out of place with her detective’s words, and she
turned her head away, indignant. “Say what you like,” she sniffed. “Just
make sure that you’re able to stop that thief from getting away with
this.”

“Of course, Miyako-san.” The teen nodded, then
stepped away from his client to resume his position against the wall.
He’d been away from home for three months, four days, seventeen hours,
thirty-seven minutes, and… well, he snapped his watch shut and slipped
it back into the pocket of his trousers. In that time, he’d received no
shortage of patronizing treatment from strangers and colleagues alike.

Was
it because of his age? At seventeen, he’d clocked over three hundred
hours in the service of Scotland Yard, and far more than that with
private clients. Age shouldn’t have mattered at all. There were plenty
of young people who were brilliant and truly capable in their field, and
more than enough in the older generations that were not only
incompetent, but persistently ignorant, which was a crime in and of
itself. Perhaps it was his mixed heritage. Foreigners still weren’t
entirely trusted in Japan, and being half was regarded, at least by
some, as evidence of utter betrayal. Race didn’t matter to him,
either; nor nationality (unless you were from the States), or the other
‘protected topics’ of religion, sex, political party, etc. What mattered
was motive and intent.

But there were plenty of people who never much liked listening to sense and rational thought…

…which
led him to that evening. Hakuba had come to Japan for several reasons,
the strongest of which was the assassin Spider, who had targeted a very
famous and prolific Japanese thief. The very thief that had sent the
news of the heist, for which Nakamori and his men were prepared for. At
least, as far as that stubborn fool could be prepared.

He checked his watch again. Twenty two seconds. Twenty one. Twenty. Nineteen.

As
far as the media knew, Hakuba Saguru, only child of the Superintendent
General, was in the country for one purpose only: to catch Kaitou KID.
But, true to his word, he’d already caught the ruddy bastard. By their
second interaction, he’d done what no one else had been able to do. He
knew KID’s identity.

Fifteen. Fourteen. Thirteen.

Further,
he knew his address, his height, his weight, his age, the names of his
family members and closest friends, his grades in school, the marks on
his permanent records, his blood type, his taste in food, his style of
clothing, his scent, his hobbies, the timbre of his voice.

Six. Five. Four.

He
even knew several of Kid’s facial expressions and tells. There was
irrefutable proof. Documentation. And yet, despite all of this, Kid’s
alter-ego had repeatedly refused to confess. Every accusation had been
carelessly tossed aside. Every offer to help, every clue he’d left,
every corner he’d tried to squeeze information from had yielded nothing
but insults, indifference, and irritation. Kuroba Kaito knew that Hakuba
had figured him out. He knew that Hakuba knew that he knew, and yet. And yet.

One.

But
if the detective was anything, it was persistent. There were other ways
to catch a thief, after all, and if Kid refused to cooperate as his
civilian self, Hakuba would approach it during working hours. The risk
was considerably higher for them both, but he needed answers and
cooperation. Kid’s life depended on it.

“Ladies and gentlemen!”

Showtime.

All
at once, the Kid Task Force was in action, and chaos ensued. That was
just the sort of thing that Kid relished; it made it easier for him to
steal his target and make his escape. This was also well and good for
Hakuba, who felt a secret (or not so) satisfaction that the inspector
continually failed, largely in part because he refused to listen to the
young detective. He always offered good advice, reports, and statistics,
but but the keibu wasn’t interested in listening. He never was.
Regardless, it allowed Hakuba to move about in any way that he pleased;
part of the force, technically, but also not. Just as he was Japanese
and not, all at once.

He watched and waited for the
officers to cause their disturbances, and as soon as he saw that flash
of white cape heading for higher ground, Hakuba crept after. There were
plenty of places to hide in such a large hotel, and he wasn’t about to
let him get away. The service hallways were easily the least trafficked
and the best for someone such as Kid to traipse, so he followed the path
that would let him see KID and reach the darkened hallways all at the
same time.  

I did, in fact, take nyquil and go to bed last night instead of trying to write… which was good because I swear my brainmeats were being boiled. And then I had a dream about my dad, who passed away almost five years ago. He shows up in my dreams on occasion and makes (very dry) commentary on what’s going on, usually, but last night I was the one who gave him advice. 

He and his band guys were trying to figure out a way to make ends meet by playing music instead of having a day job. They wanted to be rock stars, you know, so this was a legit thing. But the method they felt they had to go about it was to play backup for other people at parties… like, a live karaoke band… and then they would get to play their own songs on occasion. So people would hire them for their big fancy birthday parties and take center stage and sing terribly, while my dad and the rest of the band played. And none of them were happy. 

So he came home late one night from one of these (I guess I was in high school still for the dream), and I asked how it went and he said that he was tired. Bone-weary tired. Like doing the thing he loved was slowly killing him because it was only a shadow of what he really wanted to do… and that he no longer had time to do it because they were so busy catering to other people.

In my infinite wisdom (?!?!) I told him to make sure that he was leaving enough time for the things that he was truly passionate about. And if doing this was eating up all that time, it wasn’t worth it.

The dream ended there, because I guess I was SLEEP TALKING and Aaron was like ??? and I repeated the advice. 

Aaron: Uhh…
Me: am I sleep talking?
Aaron: yeah I think so
Me: well it’s still very good advice.
Aaron: yeah that’s true

So anyway. This is not to say that all day jobs are bad. On the contrary, I love mine to pieces and I think that it’s greatly helped me with my craft(s). But you absolutely must make time for those things or you won’t be happy. For my dad, it was music. For me it’s storytelling. It’s so easy to get caught up in the nonsense of every day life, but it’s vastly important to remember that your heart NEEDS you to feed it the things that make life worth living.