1. Just as introverts can get lonely, extroverts can get shy.
This generally happens when we’re intimidated by someone who can out shine us in some area, whether they’re more attractive, smarter, or just better than us at something. Nothing is worse than two extroverts competing for the spotlight so one will generally bow out, or rather “tone it down” in order to maintain peace.
2. Extroverts are not shallow just because they seek praise.
Both introverts and extroverts need at least a little bit of affirmation now and then. Extroverts are just less afraid to admit it out loud. And we will return the favor. Hear me out on this, EXTROVERTS GENUINELY LOVE YOU (I will repeat this several times) and we will gladly give you genuine praise, not flattery. We just ask that you do the same. Words of affirmation; it’s called a love language for a reason.
3. Extroverts do not steal their energy from those around them.
This myth bugs me the most, the idea that extroverts are sucking all the energy from the people around them. Extroverts value human relationships above just about anything else and so we are constantly trying to feed into those relationships, not feed on them. When you laugh at our jokes, when you share deep intimate things with us, when you decide you want to spend more time with us, you tell us that our energy was well spent. If someone is sucking all the energy and life out of you without giving anything back, remove them from your life. A real extrovert friend who loves you wants to be around you because there’s no place we would rather be.
4. Extroverts want to hear you out.
Yes, we like to talk. But this is because we don’t expect you to read our minds and know how we feel or what we want. Being able to articulate it and communicate it successfully to you is very important to us, which is why we check in frequently to see that we are understood. But we want the same from you. It’s not that we just enjoy hearing ourselves talk (although we might), but we like hearing ideas articulated. And we can’t read your mind either. We actually want to hear your opinion and know how you feel. We understand that you may need to take your time to articulate and communicate them, but we do want you to try.
5. Extroverts enjoy a little bit of alone time, but this gets old fast.
We enjoy reading books, writing, drawing, walking, and doing other things alone sometimes. We may need some time away from people just to remember who we are apart from them or to just gather our own thoughts. But we can only do this for so long before negative thoughts start settling in. Why? Because going too long without investing in human interaction makes us feel useless. What good are these thoughts if they’re not helpful to someone else? What good am I if I’m not improving your quality of life? Time spent with you is more valuable to us than time spent alone.
6. To an extrovert, silence and distance is far worse than a blatant insult.
At least if you articulate it, we can at least know why you don’t like us or why you’re mad at us. And with a group of people who aren’t afraid to speak their minds, you will mostly likely get mad at us at one point or another. But to an extrovert, honesty is everything. If you’re distant and silent, we can’t know what we’re doing wrong or how to fix it. And if we love you, we want to fix it. Maybe you’re keeping your distance and staying silent for some reason that has nothing to do with us. But please at least communicate that to us. Extroverts and introverts alike know this very well, things are almost always a lot worse in our heads than in real life. We’ll imagine the very worst and begin to fear that you’ll never come back to us. Reassure us that this period of isolation won’t last forever and we’ll do our best to be patient. Because we love you.
7. Extroverts are not weirded out by your introvertedness. We’re intrigued by it.
About 80-90% of my friends are introverts. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my fellow extrovert friends. They get me in ways my introvert friends don’t. But introverts present a challenge. They have walls and levels of friendship that have to be earned. We value your trust and your friendship, and we don’t take it for granted when you begin to let us in. It’s a reward for the energy we’ve invested in getting to know you, and we want to know you. Because you are beautiful, and complicated, and quirky, and wise, and witty, and stupid, and hilarious. We can’t get enough of you and we want the whole world to know how awesome you are. It’s not that we want to force you to be extroverts. We just want the world to see you as we do and fall in love. Because you’re amazing.
8. Extroverts do think thoroughly about what they want and how they feel. But then they just go for it.
Left alone in one’s own head, nothing ever gets done. You’ve got a crush on that significant other? Or you want that job? You want to go on an adventure? You want to do something ridiculous, embarrassing, risky, exciting, etc? Just do it. We do run through the scenarios in our own heads, just as introverts do, but we’re more afraid that we’ll regret not going for it than we are afraid of the consequence of going for it. Yes, we know this can get us in a bit of trouble sometimes. But we want to live an adventure, not just read about one or imagine one in our own heads.
9. Extroverts don’t necessarily enjoy confrontation, but we’ll have one if we have to.
We understand that you hate confrontation. We understand that you want to either run from it or ignore it all together and leave the elephant in the room alone hoping that he’ll just die naturally. However, something is getting in between us and we hate it. We don’t hate you, we hate it, whatever that thing is and, as far as we’re concerned, it needs to be dealt with. We know it’s hard, we know it sucks, but please allow us to address the problem so we can figure out together how to fix it. It might get messy, but to an extrovert, it’s better to deal with a problem at the early stage than to let it fester and grow inside, poisoning us both and hurting our relationship.
10. Extroverts are not selfish, shallow, or attention hogs.
Well, that’s not always true, but if they are, please don’t waste your time with them. You’re better than that. An extrovert that loves you wants you to feel safe, at home, and free to be yourself around us. Because, as I said before, we think you’re amazing. We understand that sometimes our attempts to make you more comfortable around us can sometimes become counterproductive, but at least we’re trying. We want you and others in the room to be happier overall, and we want to be a part of that. If we can get you to unwind, share your dreams and fears, smile, laugh, open up, reach your goals, etc. with us, we feel useful. Give us a chance.