I see all the student films flooding my dash so I guess it’s that time of year again, and I know that can mean some emotionally racking things ahead. I know everyone’s path to success is different but I’ll just put this story out there for people in case it offers anyone any solace.
So at Sheridan when you got in (or at least when I did eleven years ago) you were given a number grade attached to your portfolio from 1-100. 60 automatically got you in and 56-59 put you on the waiting list. I was at the very bottom of the waiting list with a 56, and planned to do art fundies for a year to build a better portfolio and reapply. I ended up getting into the program the day before classes started, I was the last person who made it in before they closed the gate that year.
For whatever a numerical ranking of skill attached to artistic ability can be worth, on paper I was ranked as the absolute weakest and unskilled artist in my peer group.
And, to be honest, it fucked with my head a lot. I worked really hard and found my strengths and managed to hammer out my foothold as a contender. I’d like to think at least that the people in my year don’t just remember me as “the weakest and least likely to succeed”, anyway. But when I graduated into the writer’s strike and the economy collapse of 2009 and even basic retail jobs were impossible to find, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel like every failure and missed job opportunity was proof that I really was The Worst and had wasted four years of my life, thousands of dollars, and an immeasurable amount of mental anguish trying to convince myself otherwise. I worked as a waitress in a greasy spoon diner with red vinyl seats and a checkerboard floor. I found reasons to love my job, to stay positive (even though I had that anxiety monster strangling me every moment of every day reminding me that I had never been good enough and art school had been a delusional waste of money), I worked hard on improving my portfolio, I kept throwing lines out for jobs, I forced myself to manage my crippling fears of talking to strangers so I could learn to network, I made a conscious effort to learn how to build portfolios that played to my strengths and resist the urge to put down my own work when I was trying to sell myself as a worthwhile employee.
I always had that albatross around my neck, “you were empirically and mathematically proven to be the worst”, but I made the conscious effort to figure out and emphasize my strengths to employers.
In October of 2009 I got a job doing inbetweens on Ugly Americans for Comedy Central. The producer told me that it came down to me and two other guys for the job, but I just had a great attitude. By the time the first season of the show ended, my “great attitude” and stonecold work ethic had gotten me promoted to character design, storyboards, character layout, and keyframe animation. Almost immediately after the first season wrapped up I was hired by a studio in Hollywood, and now I’m a board artist at Cartoon Network.
I won’t say “work hard and you can have everything you ever wanted” because I completely acknowledge that I’ve had a lot of lucky lightning strikes in my life, but I will say don’t let the expectations of failure that people will stack on you choke you out. Speaking as someone who was Literally The Worst at one point in their life, a lot of good things can come from focusing on the positives, resisting the urge to lick your wounds and wallow in failure, and put a concentrated effort into figuring out how what your strengths are and how they make you valuable.
Remember that when it comes to creative endavours “most talented” or “best for the job” is very subjective and doesn’t necessarily equate to a quantifiable number of years worked or 1-100 technical ability score. It can have a lot to do with attitude, work ethic, unique perspective, life experience, so many things that can’t be taught in school or ascribed a numerical value. There’s no single path leading to a single success goalpost. Even if you aren’t following the one you thought you would take you aren’t “a failure”, and your perspective and contribution to creative arts however you decide to make it is uniquely yours. You don’t need to win a Best At Art ribbon before you can be A Success™, and you can find a way to claw out your own little nest in the art world even if you don’t fit the profile of what you always expected a professional artist to be.
Tag: great advice
Have you ever had clients who had brilliant story concepts, but found it really hard to write (fast/on a deadline) and overcome writer’s block? What did that mean in terms of their deadlines? How did they overcome it? Also, what advice would you give to amateur authors who are struggling to get over this now before (more like ‘if’) they get a big break?
Yes. Unfortunately the struggles of writing a book don’t end once you have a publishing deal. All writers struggle with the writing at times, and the process of writing a book is often different book to book.
I am reminded, of an Alice Sebold quote that means a great deal to me: “You save yourself or you remain unsaved.” While the quote’s context was much different than writing, I believe that it can be applied to almost any emotional/internal struggle.
As an agent I can give client’s advice, offer to brainstorm with them, fly out and visit and make them sit in a chair and yell at them to write (okay maybe not that last one). But I can’t get into their heads. They have to climb up and overcome those hurdles largely on their own (with a supportive New Leaf team to cheer them on or send them Elizabeth Banks gifs, Taylor Swift songs, or wereferret jokes etc).
My best suggestion is to shake up your routine. If you usually write at home, go to the library or a coffee shop, set up a writing date with friends. Take a walk and listen to music that could inspire you, try pandora or a spotify playlist of songs you’ve never heard before. Go for a run, play paintball, go kayaking, hike a mountain, do something that’s out of your everyday routine that will give you time with your thoughts. Talk through your story with a friend or relative who is a good listener.
OR: Go backwards–how do you want the story to end? What should the climax be, what are the obstacles your characters should face in order to grow into the most satisfying emotional ending? If you’re usually a pantster, write an outline (even plot out the beats using the Blake Snyder beat sheet), then turn that outline into a bunch of little chapter outlines for EACH chapter. Then write a draft of the next chapter and who cares if it is the biggest pile of garbage to ever come out of your head, it’s a draft.
And, most importantly, get rid of self-doubt and any negative thinking.
That may sound silly, but for another analogy: I have trouble sleeping. I have my whole life. And if I lay down and think “ugh I’m never going to fall asleep” guess what? I won’t. I’ll lie in bed and stress out about all the things I need to do tomorrow and why I need to get a good night’s sleep and I will be awake forever. In fact every time I fall into that trap, I get up and do something else–yoga, emails, candy crush, etc. Then I try again with a new mind set.
So make a promise with yourself. Your writing time is a safe space. There is absolutely no pressure to churn out a masterpiece in a certain amount of time. You are a writer because you love to write. And any time you start stressing, pause. Stop writing, get up and do something else for 10-20 minutes, and then come back with a new mindset because sometimes those garbage first drafts are actually pretty darn later when you go back and read them. And sometimes they’re exactly what you meed in order to revise a manuscript into submission.