Since it’s midnight and I have a flight to catch at 5am, why not break down this little argument scene?
This scene is short but it’s important. We tend to quantify closeness by the times we see Viktor and Yuuri kissing, hugging, or otherwise acting explicitly intimate, but this little argument is just as important in conveying a shared emotional intimacy between the two.
It’s pretty obvious from the start that Viktor doesn’t care about the damn nuts. He seems irritated already by the beginning of the scene, and I don’t think it’s because of the missing bag. Judging from Yuuri’s flustered state, he’s probably been dragging them all over, re-tracing their steps panicking trying to find the bag he lost.
Viktor is patient so he’s gone along with it, but even he has his breaking point. Despite his irritation, he does what Viktor tends to do when he’s angry, and hides his feelings behind a fake smile. He’s aware of Yuuri’s anxiety which is probably why he’s placated him up till now, but he’s no saint and anyone would be tired and frustrated after being dragged around a city looking for a missing bag. Still, he doesn’t want to upset Yuuri further, so he appeals to logic: the shop is closed, aren’t you tired?
Yuuri isn’t having it, though. He sees right through Viktor’s fake smile and he knows what he’s doing. He hears Viktor’s words and feels that he is being blamed for a ruined evening. He doesn’t like it and he tells him so.
This scene feels so realistic to me because it’s an argument I’ve had with my own girlfriend many times. The argument of semantics. There is no resolution here because neither Yuuri nor Viktor is really in the wrong. They’re just both in bad moods: Yuuri, because the bag got lost and he feels bad about it and thinks that Viktor is mad at him because of it, and Viktor, because the nuts don’t matter to him and he just wants Yuuri to stop fixating on it and let them enjoy their evening.
What’s so striking is that neither of these characters is confrontational. Yuuri tends to fall into self-deprecation and, as previously mentioned, Viktor hides his feelings behind a smile. Yet, here they are, getting peeved at each other over something so minor. And not only getting mad but expressing that anger. For characters that tend not to do that, it speak of an extremely strong mutual trust.
They know that an argument isn’t fatal to their relationship. They trust the other to not abandon them if they exhibit anything other than an agreeable attitude.
And then they walk in silence and the argument resolves itself. They don’t have to part ways, they don’t have to break everything down verbally, they just need to cool down and give each other the time and space to do so.
I feel it’s rare to see such a realistic couple’s tiff. Normally, things are always 100% wonderful or extremely dramatic. But sometimes these little arguments pop up, sometimes someone gets hangry or anxious or tired and they take it out on their partner because that’s who is available and–unconsciously or not–that’s the person you know won’t abandon you just for showing a non-ideal side of yourself.
I was never skeptical of Yuuri and Viktor’s relationship to begin with, but especially not now. We’ve seen them tackle so many different hardships together, we’ve seen Yuuri correct Viktor when he really was in the wrong, and now we’ve seen them resolve a minor clashing of personalities respectfully and maturely. This is a couple I can realistically see staying together. They’re not together for convenience, they’re not together just because they idolize each other or find the other hot–they truly seem to understand one another and work well together, and it makes their relationship a joy to watch.
like there’s this whole thing in this book about how your brain grows stronger and healthier by practicing responding to stress in healthy ways,
because if a stressor is predictable and you feel a sense of control over it, you habituate and stop reacting to it,
but if it’s random and unpredictable you have the opposite response and become sensitized, so your reaction actually gets more and more extreme.
(if you hear a loud noise at predictable intervals you’ll soon stop noticing or reacting, but if you hear it at random intervals you’ll become sensitive to it and anxious.)
so one way to help people who have adverse reactions to reminders of trauma is to give them control over how they’re reminded of the trauma,
because it helps the brain practice responding to stress in a safe way so you can habituate to the stress response.
which is why if someone tags something for a trigger and you still choose to look,
it’s actually an act of healthy resistance against your reaction to that trigger (because it teaches your brain to habituate),
but encountering something triggering in a random and unpredictable way actually increases your stress response and makes you more sensitive to the trigger.
so people who are against trigger warnings because “you have to learn to cope” are actually taking away your tools for learning to cope,
because encountering stressors in a way that further strips you of control over your trauma is never, ever helpful.
it’s a lot of stuff i kind of knew but integrated and explained with more context and science
[spaces added and brief caps removed for accessibility]
Also why books about the tough stuff are extremely helpful. Fiction is our key to coping in the world.
