This is me, having a severe crisis in confidence over the past several days.
My book has major issues. My writing is trite and cliche. I can’t tie a story together worth crap and I fear that my characters are too passive to keep people reading. I think that a lot of it can be fixed in revision, but I have to keep going and stay motivated enough to follow through with it. I tend to give up too easily.
My art is problematic. Too saturated, too messy. Textures and photoshop filters don’t hide underlying problems. I have a lot of work to do if I’m going to reach the next level.
Neither of these things bring in money to the house. The chances of me being published or officially commissioned in a professional capacity are quite slim. I know this. So is it worth beating myself up over every day about it? Is it worth pouring more and more money into writing conferences and art supplies and things like a tablet, that would let me lie on the couch and do work?
Do I have the capacity and the potential to improve and do something with my crafts? Or is this just a hobby?
I love writing and I love art. I am not satisfied with my skill in either right now. I don’t think I could ever give either up, but at what point does it just become… ridiculous to keep hoping? To keep saying that my dream is to be a published author/illustrator?
I don’t think I’m bad, but I’m definitely not great. I know enough, now, to tell the difference. I’m just not that calibre.
Should I be content with doodles and stories that I keep locked in my drawer and don’t tell anyone about? Maybe spend more time cleaning my house instead of working on outlines and comparing tablet models?
I’ve long since passed the point of not wanting to share my sketchbook with anyone, even when they ask. I don’t let most people read my writing, either.
Can I get better or is it already too late?