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“…Okay, okay… I can take a hint. I’ll write a letter to Kuroba-kun. I doubt that I’ll send it, however… it’ll go in the journal with the rest of them, but then you can get off of my back about it.”<\/p>\n
…<\/p>\n
Dearest Kuroba-kun,<\/em><\/p>\n It’s no secret that I’m fond of you. At least, I hope that my mannerisms express this fact to you. I have enjoyed getting to know you, and watching you mature as you’ve taken your responsibilities more seriously. Your work ethic has improved, as has your manner. I don’t know if this is simply you becoming the man that you will be or if it is strongly influenced by your work…<\/em><\/p>\n Ah, but I’m getting off track… this isn’t to be an evaluation of your character, though I can say that I am pleased with how you have handled most obstacles thus far, and-<\/em><\/p>\n Again, getting off track.<\/em><\/p>\n I don’t know what I am to you… what we are together. In the grand scheme of things, that probably doesn’t matter so much. You have your work, I have mine. Regardless of what the median of our feelings convey, we will continue on as always… avoidance, secrets, lies. It’s part of our lot in life and I can accept that. Really, I can. I’m used to living a lie. I do it all of the time. But…<\/em><\/p>\n …now I’ve become vulnerable to you, something I did not want to do. When I said that I was wrapped around your finger, I meant it. I’m certain I’ll tell you one day how I fell for you, and my concerns for how it may put us both at great risk. If you asked me to do something, whatever it was, I would do it. If you specified ‘no questions asked,’ I would keep my lips sealed. I’ve put my trust in your hands because I believe with conviction that you are an honest, peaceful person despite your occupation. Underneath all of that bravado is a person who truly cares. You’ve ruined me.<\/em><\/p>\n I have vain hopes that, one day, you might care for me with such passion. I know that you are protective of me and are willing to spend time with me… even close, personal time… but I do not believe that you love me. I can’t see how you possibly could, as you know almost nothing about me. And how could you? \u00a0Hattori-san even said it so aptly before that I carry my own cross and refuse to share the burden. I keep everything locked away from everyone. Heart sealed, cold, stone walls around me, pushing everyone away.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I hope that my feeling this way does not hurt you (but then I will not be sending this letter)… I am only being honest. I care greatly for you, and hope that you will learn my secrets… that I might be important enough to you that you’ll solve the mystery that I cannot. \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Perhaps some day… when we’re older, wiser… when the world is a better place, if that can ever be.<\/em><\/p>\n In my mind I hear you laughing at me, amused. Chiding me for taking things so seriously, that I should try to enjoy myself and our time together instead. I don’t think you understand just how difficult that is for me \/because\/ it’s you and not some foolish, spoiled rich one night stand that I’ve picked up at a benefit. I respect you. I admire you. I…<\/em><\/p>\n I won’t say that I love you, either, as I only have my investigative reports and observations to go off of… Until I learn about you from your lips, and reach a common ground \/with\/ you…<\/em><\/p>\n This is so difficult to talk and to write about.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n It’s just that… I will not let myself make the same mistake again. I cannot. I don’t think that I could survive going through it another time… and I would hate to tarnish your name in my heart forever more.<\/em><\/p>\n I can’t stand the thought of that… I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n God, why is this so difficult?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I’m so sorry for being so bloody fucked up.<\/em><\/p>\n Yours,<\/em><\/p>\n S. J. Hakuba<\/em><\/p>\n …<\/em><\/p>\n “…It’s just… no good.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" “…Okay, okay… I can take a hint. I’ll write a letter to Kuroba-kun. I doubt that I’ll send it, however… it’ll go in the journal with the rest of them, but then you can get off of my back about it.” … Dearest Kuroba-kun, It’s no secret that I’m fond of you. At least, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[76,2133,6669],"class_list":["post-7807","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-ic","tag-journal","tag-unsent-letters"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/whiteknighthakuba\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7807","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/whiteknighthakuba\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/whiteknighthakuba\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/whiteknighthakuba\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/whiteknighthakuba\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7807"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/whiteknighthakuba\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7807\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/whiteknighthakuba\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7807"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/whiteknighthakuba\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7807"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/whiteknighthakuba\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7807"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"image\"](\"http:\/\/media.tumblr.com\/204bee8fe8e9bc69a597fffe4c635fbf\/tumblr_inline_mp548m0Fog1qz4rgp.jpg\")
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