(( friggin nukawinter showed me the most AMAZING figures ever tonight and I need them terribly and I keep looking at them and gazing with so much lust and love and need and I just omg I am going to die this is going to be the end of me I cannot stop looking at them and pawing at my screen KARO WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME I HAVE THINGS TO DO BESIDES LAMENTING THAT I DON’T HAVE THESE BEAUTIFUL ACTION FIGURES *SOBS* ))
Tag Archives: why
The patterns on the ceiling were familiar. Textured scrapings of paint, put there intentionally to make it more aesthetically pleasing. The walls… they were familiar, too. He had spent a lot of time with them, this last couple of weeks… staring at them when he couldn’t sleep. Leaning against them for support when enough pain welled up to the surface again that his own legs could no longer hold him up. Hitting them when even that became too much. There were holes in the drywall that he’d have to explain whenever his mother came home again… but that didn’t really matter. All that mattered, right then, was that the sheets were still familiar, too. The fact that he could turn his head, move close to the pillow… and he could still smell him. Though it was fading with every day, he could still pick out the scent of soft cologne and earl gray… and the smell of his skin. Though the warmth was gone… and he knew it would never return. Just like the emptiness he’d never known was there before the detective had filled it would never recover from the loss and realization of its own inadequacy.
He’d always heard that there were worse things than death… and he understood what it meant, now.
Because he was the survivor.
He thought he was protecting her. He thought that he was venomous, and he knew that it would be best- someday. Eventually. Maybe. But that didn’t seem to be what he was thinking, as he after he’d said it to her, her gaze fell dark, and full of a sadness he had never known from her bright eyes. Because he was thinking that it would hurt her a little, that he would have to hurt her to make sure she would be safe, and if he had to lie and tell her things about her he didn’t believe for just this instance, if it would mean she wouldn’t keep holding on- that she would be better off someday, because of it- then he would. But he didn’t know that everything he said would be taken into the deepest part of her heart.
That she immediately knew that she had suffocated him, when she hadn’t. That she knewthat she had ruined everything good for herself, again, that she’d fucked up, she’d let him down, she’d been too much, she’d been too little. She knew everything that wasn’t true and she was so sorry for that nothingness.
Because to her, in that moment, it was real.
And she would beg, through her tears, please. Please no. I’m sorry, whatever I’ve done, everything I’ve done please let me change it. Let me make it up to you- Saguru you’re the best, and one of the only good things in my life, please, please, please, I need you, don’t do this. I can change. I can be anything. Please please please.
He couldn’t know that when he pulled his hand out of both of hers there was a part of her which did not only break, but ceased to exist. It was torn away from her, out of her heart, and off of her soul.
I’ve broken up with her
I’ve broken
upwith herI’ve broken
up withher
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This isn’t fanmail or a question
“Wh-what do you mean by that, Kuroba-kun? Hopeless… in what way?"