“Yeah …” Kaito said breathy. He was so much at peace in that moment. Grounded yet flying as high as he could. Nothing could break that elation he felt.
“Look,” Hakuba said, reaching for his wine glass again. “We figured things out. Incredible.” He was teasing, but that smile was honest. Pleased.
He lifted his glass. “To mutual feelings?"
He watched him; his heart leap somewhere into the sky. Smiling he crossed and took Hakuba’s hands in his and kissed each one. “I swear.”
Hakuba laughed, suddenly giddy as he watched Kaito lay the affection on him, still oh so baffled by the turn of events. “I do, too.” His smile went wider and he hunched his shoulders, bashful all over again with another short laugh, practically giggling. “I… I suppose we’re dating now, then. Officially."
He’d never looked happier.
Kaito turned to him and measured him carefully and debated internally.
“I’ve been celibate for the past year, Hakuba. I’ve also never dated anyone before that. No one. So I can hold true to your request. I can try.” He answered just as calm. At least his voice was. His knees how ever were shaking.
Grateful though he was that Kaito apparently hadn’t noticed that he’d passed song lyrics off as legitimate words in a serious conversation, Hakuba couldn’t help but feel the tiniest big disappointed, too. Mostly because the significance of the prose was… well, it didn’t matter.
The fact that Kaito was willing to try did, though. That he wanted to. It mattered a great deal, and it changed everything.
“Kuroba-kun,” Hakuba said, expression softening, giving a warm smile. He was still terrified – of everything – but this… “If you can promise me, I promise, too… I would be honored to be yours, and you mine."
He set the glass down and stroked the stem a bit. His mind raced and once again he was back to realizing that reality was cruel. So fucking cruel. What was he supposed to say with Hakuba hesitating like that? To all of the logic that was put in front of him? And then look like the whole concept was going to make him faint. That to date him was never an option or a thought that had crossed his mind.
The mention of Oxford just twisted an already placed knife. He remember the boxes in the others bedroom and that he told him to go.
It was amazing how those simple question caused all of his insecurities and anxieties to spring to the forefront of his mind. The fear of ejection only made it worse but why did he kiss him? If he didn’t want to date or have that intimate relationship then why kiss him and drag him through this turmoil?
For a laugh? He was going to …. he thought of knocking him flat on his ass but stop. Even in his head he couldn’t hurt him. He sighed. Looked up at Hakuba and began speaking softly and clearly.
“If I can, even just for a tiny moment. I know that your going back and I’m cruel for doing this but … I want to at least belong to someone, to you before I’m left alone again.” He felt his throat close and walked away from the counter. He had to swallow twice before he could speak again. “I understand that long distance relationships are tricky and most of the time fall out but I …..”
He smiled bitterly. Just how selfish could he be?
“That’s why I was hesitant,” Hakuba said, biting his lip as he averted his gaze. He didn’t want to hurt Kuroba, which is specifically why he hadn’t acted on his impulses before. Why he’d been so afraid to reciprocate. Why he’d gone to Kaito’s house to ask about which university to go to. It was cruel to put them both through something like that. Rejection hurt, yes, but not more than broken hearts.
He’d been so sure, so certain that Kuroba didn’t want him before. That his love was unrequited, never to be returned. But it had. And through that, he had to consider the other parts of it. If there was a chance, even a small one…
…then he wanted to take it.
The detective took a deep breath and let it out slowly, considering his next words carefully, though they came together with surprising ease. It was a risk, but he looked back at Kaito, resolve once again.
“If I… if we took this step, Kuroba-kun, would you promise to be true?” Hakuba swallowed hard, then continued, voice level, calm, soft. “And help me understand, because I’ve been in love before and I’ve found that love was more than just holding hands."
He paled and rose from the counter. He brought the glass in and cup both of his hands around it all the while wondering if he had spoken too soon; made an assumption. Maybe he should have asked for permission? From Hakuba or maybe Baaya? This was so new for him. He had never dated anyone before. Never liked anyone this much before to try.
“I thought … well I assumed that was what happens after you …. I’m sorry … I just … thought that was what you wanted as well. I mean if you don’t want to that’s …. okay so that would really fucking suck but I can wait. I’ve been waiting since high school so … ” He tried to smile but it felt so awkward. He couldn’t help but to think that this is what he got for jumping ahead. “I want to. Can we? May we … I mean.” He sighed and raked a jittery hand through his already messy hair.
It all left him dumbfounded, even though Hakuba should have been prepared for this. It took him a few seconds before he looked back at Kaito, staring. “You, Kuroba Kaito, want… me to be… your boyfriend?” A brief pause. “You… want me. Boyfriend. Is that what you’re saying? B-but what if I’m to go to Oxford? That’s… that’s four years at least and…”
Hakuba stepped forward so that he could set the wine glass down, now unable to be certain of his grip. “You’re asking me out?"
He almost looked faint, as if the concept were so vastly removed from reality that he couldn’t believe it. Not incredulously, though; no, he was just stunned. He now knew that Kaito liked him, yes, but liking someone and wanting to date them were two entirely different things. The latter required commitment. Was he able to give that? Was Kaito?
"You really want to? You’d be my boyfriend, and I yours?"
“You make it sound like we’re going to break up in just a few months. Come on Hakuba, have a sense of optimism.” Kaito said and leaned nonchalantly against the counter facing him. The black hematite studs in his ears caught and played with the light. He was grinning at the detective playfully. He reached for the wine glasses and swirled it some. Not to mix the flavors but to watch the liquid move about in the glass.
“Hmmm, what about to mutual feelings” He purred and held up his glass. “To mutual feelings finally being met.”
“Mutual feelings finally being met… yes.” That was something that Hakuba could at least agree with, he hoped, but then again… He stopped, suddenly, halting his thoughts to back up, blinking as he straightened up. “Wh-wait, break up? Are we dating now? H-hold on… hold on there, Kuroba-kun…!”
Brows furrowing, he looked at the other very carefully, studying his face, the grin, the other wine glass. Then he looked away. Kuroba was far too attractive to be staring at while trying to get his thoughts straight.
“…wait, are…? I’m so confused. What is going on?”
He snorted he couldn’t help it the laughter just started bubbling out of him. ” I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Its just … Out of anything you could have said … could have toasted to tonight …. you said.”
He straightened and sighed. He wiped his eyes and rubbed his aching sides. “You really are adorable you know that.”
“I thought it was a good toast,” Hakuba said, tone defensive though he relaxed a little bit. “And I’m not adorable. I was just being scientific. I couldn’t toast to a relationship because I’m not sure where we stand, I couldn’t toast to first kisses because that wasn’t, technically, and I couldn’t toast to new beginnings because, again, I don’t know where we stand and where I’m going to end up or anything like that.”
The detective huffed again, looking into his glass. The wine was beautiful, at least, and he knew it would be incredible. Soon, so soon, he’d be able to drink. If he could get through this conversation, anyway.
“It’s simply… linear to toast to working things out, because that’s what we’ll have to do first thing to move on to anything else. Everything has a logical order to reach any conclusion. So, working things out… the spirit of a common goal, a fresh start, a…"
Hakuba winced and then looked back to Kaito, sticking his tongue out. "You’re always taking the mick out. You pick something to toast to."
Kaito blinked at him and bite the inside of his cheek in an attempt to hide his laughter. It wasn’t working as well as he wanted. Covering his face he felt the laugh sneak out of him. He place the drink down with a clatter and leaned over the counter with his head rest on it. His arms wrapped around his face as he shook with silent laughter.
As with every other time this had happened to him – and it really did happen far more often than he’d care to admit – Hakuba stared in confusion. Was Kaito laughing at his toast? At his admission of fantasies? Or just at him in general? He held the wine glass carefully, not willing to set it down just in case Kaito’s laughter erupted in some sort of violent flailing, befitting of a class clown, and let his expression settle into an offended frown.
“Ah… hey now… you stop that, Kuroba-kun. In the last hour, you’ve accused me of poisoning you, gotten mad at me for trying to protect you, and… and kissed me, and then… again, so you…!” Hakuba gave an exasperated huff, mouth curving into a full-on pout. “Please do explain why you’re now laughing at me."
Kaito straightened with the glasses and smiled at him. “I’m the same way. I feel as if I’m going to wake from another dream and you tell me this was all a joke.”
He tipped the glasses and pour the burgundy liquid into both. Setting the bottle down he offered one to the detective.
Taking the glass, both sheepish from his own admission of insecurity, and feeling admittedly touched by Kaito’s own. “Well…” Hakuba said, lifting the glass to take in the bouquet, swirling the dark liquid around ever so gently. “I can assure you that this is no dream, nor a joke, unless it’s one of my fantasies.”
He stole a glance at Kaito then, smile hopeful and growing broader despite his embarrassment.
“I’d say we should toast to dreams come true, but I think something along the lines of…” He couldn’t say first kisses, technically, could he? Hakuba glanced up at the ceiling, considering before he looked back with a triumphant grin. “Ah! Let’s toast to figuring things out!”
He didn’t mean to and tried so hard not but he reached for him, cupped his face, and kissed him lightly. “Yes, I’m sorry, Hakuba I’m … I’m the type that needs the reassurance, the evidence, if you will, that things, that this is real.”
He stepped away from him and picked up the cork remover and wiggled it into the top. After a few turns a loud pop made him jump slightly and chuckle. He set the wine and the remover down and leaned over the bar to grab the glasses.
Another kiss… Hakuba watched him as he swept away, taking care of the wine as requested, and came to lean on the counter with both hands. It was an interesting situation that they’d found themselves in, and though he was yet unaware of repercussions this might all have, he couldn’t deny how elated he felt, and how deeply he was falling all over again.
The insecurity was a little surprising, but only a little bit. He offered a sympathetic smile, though, smirk quirking at the corner of his mouth. “I’m sorry. I think I know exactly how you feel. It all just seems so unfathomable… like I’m just waiting for you to confess that you’re just teasing me." He looked away, sheepish. "Not that you would really do that, it’s just…”