“Your selective hearing is becoming vexatious,” she growled. “What exactly do you want from me? I simply told you the truth and now you’re acting as if you want to pick up where we left off even though you talk about me with vinegared words.
"Yes, I got attached to you and yes, I got scared. You must look at me like a robot if I should be so incapable of making mistakes. Of feeling fear.” It was taking all of her willpower not to say something hurtful. Fight or flight was starting to kick in… she was going to have to admit to something private if she wanted this is end on a better note.
“Did you know, Hakuba-kun,that I had never had a boyfriend before you? I was already in brand new territory. I make people fall in fake love with me because I’m terrified of actual love. Terrified of what it might do to me. I can’t possibly hope to make someone like you understand… someone constantly surrounded by people who choose to be there.” She felt her face heating up and dug her nails into the flesh of her palm. “It’s sickening how you take it for granted…”
"And you don’t?" Hakuba raised an incredulous brow, jaw tight with frustration at the mess of it all. "There are dozens of boys at school who would worship at your feet if you would give them the chance, but you only seem interested in those who would pose a challenge.”
He tilted his head, expression suddenly something between a scowl and a triumphant smile at his sudden realization. “You know what I think? I think that you and I are not at all dissimilar. In fact, you and I share many of the same vices. I don’t use love spells, but I dabble in ‘fake love’ all of the time because I’m convinced that no one could love me. People don’t choose to be around me, Koizumi-san. People avoid me except when they can take advantage of me. And I let them because it’s at least better than being alone, isn’t it?”
The detective laughed. “God, and yes, I have it bad for Kuroba-kun, just like you. And just as it is for you, it’s a pointless chase. Neither of us are going to win in the end. I’m constantly afraid, despite the rejection being, likewise, constant. I, like you, am alone so much of the time. Perhaps no one can stand us. Perhaps we don’t let anyone near us. It doesn’t matter either way because we are, still, alone.
”…and for the record, Koizumi-san, you were the only girlfriend I’ve ever had. And I was terrified to even try because relationships and I never work out well. Still haven’t. So, no, I understand. I understand very, very well.“
