“Yer serious…?”
Kaito nodded. “You’re so oblivious sometimes… no, wait, most times.”
“Almost as oblivious as Kuroba-kun, even. It’s rather impressive.”
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“Really…”
“Yes, really. Though I’m surprised- I didn’t realize your skull was that thick.”
“This worked out even better than I’d ever imagined~”
“I don’t believe fer a single second that ya dun miss me.” He scowled at his phone as if the other party could see it. At least he could hear the disdain in the Osakan’s voice. He did his best to coat it in a certain degree of venom.
Not that deep down he didn’t have some sort of respect for the other detective, but it was purely professional. After all, no one enjoyed being called a savage. Heiji just had techniques to finding clues that differed from the other man’s tactics. To be cited for that was uncalled for.
“So after this, I get to play messenger boy? I’m overjoyed.”
Their differences and their similarities were nothing short of a recipe for disaster, and Hakuba made certain to keep a constant vigilance to take note of any faux pas that the Osakan might take. It was nothing short of painful pleasure – or was it pleasured pain? – to associate with the brute who served as a reminder of his embarrassment and an embarrassment to his work.
“I miss you the way a cat misses tinfoil, Hattori-san…” Hakuba said at first, tone with a lofty air as he slumped against the wall, taking a moment to rest while he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “If you would be willing to pass it along, I would be grateful. I might even be willing to do something in return, if you have need. God, give me a fee schedule and I’ll write you a check.”
“It dun sound like yer askin’ fer my help at all.” He took a few deep breaths. He hated losing his cool in front of someone he was already on thin ice with. “I jus’ know yer ways and ya ain’t foolin’ me. Dun act like ya suddenly need me fer anythin’.”
“And if anyone is doin’ the missin’ ‘round here, it’s definitely all on yer shoulders.”
“Awwww,” Hakuba crooned into the phone, though he wondered just how much of it was actually true. He had a certain degree of begrudging respect for the Osakan, it was true, and he’d at one point really, truly hoped that they could have been friends, but now… at least he enjoyed their banter. “Does that please you? That I miss you, I mean.”
A pause.
“Not that I do. Actually, and yes, I do need your help, and I believe that I’ve already outlined it. You’re in with Kudou-san, and I need to know where he is. Could you pass the message along for him, please?”
“Well ‘cuse me fer not livin’ up to yer fancy expectations!” Heiji felt a shiver of anger run his spine combined with the insult to his pride. “Even if I knew where he was, I ain’t tellin’ th’ likes of you!” He took a deep breath.
“Do ya really think for a single second tha’ I waste my time thinkin’ bout ya and yer stupid thoughts?”
Hakuba took a moment to consider his words before responding, brow arching at the rather volatile reaction on the other end of the line.
“Now, now, Hattori-san… I know that you have a rather short fuse, but that’s no reason to get so sore about me. Here I am admitting my concerns and asking for your help, and you continue to act as though I’m desecrating a temple or something of that ilk."
He sighed, closing his eyes.
"Though, I do think that you think of me far more often than you’d like to admit. I know your type, Hattori-san~ you miss me just as much as I miss you."
…which was how much, exactly?
“Cause I get to ya and ya can’t deny it.” Another cocky smile touched his lips. “I wouldn’t blame him if he did. ‘Sides, he’s got his own shit to take care of, ya know? Why’re ya so interested in his where’bouts anyway?”
“Because I need assistance on a case and he’s the only young detective that I feel I could consult with with any sort of effectiveness.” Sniff. “Besides, it vexes me so that the media would be so quick to forget one of its heroes… And what are you so self-confident about, anyway? Don’t tell me that you hope to be on my mind, Hattori-san.”
“Did ya ever stop t’ wonder if maybe he dun wanna talk to ya no more?”
“And I knew ya missed me.”
“Missed you? Hardly! Who could miss someone as obnoxious as you? All the same; do you really suppose that Kudou-san is intentionally avoiding me? I wonder why that could be… Do you know if he’s well?”
“So, ta what do I owe th’ pleasure of havin’ ta see ya?”
“Oh, I was just curious to see that terribly handsome mug of yours again. And to ask if you’ve had any luck locating Kudou-san as of late. He hasn’t been returning my calls…”
“Cheerful as ever, I see. Eat any good books lately?”
“I’ve been rereading The Count of Monte Cristo lately, but I don’t suppose you’re familiar with the work, being as uncultured as you are~"
“Well well well… I knew I smelled somethin’.”
“I believe that you’re smelling the sickly sweet odor of your own failure, Hattori-san…"