♖♗♙♚♝♟♤♡♢♠♣ *coughs*

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And now, a series of vignettes: 

♖: Having their hair washed by your muse

“Ah, be careful, Hattori…” Hakuba muttered, wincing, though he leaned forward in defeat as the strong, gentle hands worked through his hair. Despite the earlier knock on the head, the touch was appreciated, and offered a great deal of reassurance. Besides, it wasn’t as though he could wash his own hair with his shoulder as banged up as it was. 

♗: Your muse falling asleep with their head in my muse’s lap.

He slept soundly, cheek pressed against the warm leg while Heiji stroked his hair. Though Hakuba was missing the pay-per-view historical drama that they’d rented for the room, Heiji let him sleep. Hakuba was so easily worn ragged these days… but it’s not as though it had been an easy battle for either of them. Fighting demons was exhausting no matter where you fought them, even at hot springs. And, honestly, it wasn’t like the Osakan hadn’t fallen asleep during the last half of the movie, either. 

♙: Sharing a bed

The resort had comfortable beds, which was good for the two detectives. Of the two queens, one became the holder of suitcases, while they slept in the other, nestled under the sheets, close and warm. Both liked the room cold for sleeping, which made snuggling together all the more important. 

♚: Head scratches

Morning had Hakuba sleeping in late, which was usual after a battle. He woke up to gentle head scratching, blinking up at Heiji, who nodded at the tray on the bed. Breakfast. He pushed up with a grimace and sidled up against him so that they could eat together, though as usual, Hakuba ended up just holding a cup of tea to sip with one hand, and let his fingers skritch Heiji’s head in return, lightly dozing while they sort-of watched the morning news. 

♝: Reading a book together

Rain drummed against the sliding glass door of their room, and Hakuba mumbled something about wanting to go back to sleep, but Heiji prodded him until he sat back up. They still had clients to meet later that day, and Hakuba would never get up if he went back to sleep then. Though, he did anyway, nestled against Heiji’s side while the Osakan read Black Beauty out loud for the hundredth time for him.

♟: Patching up a wound

Under the overhang on the porch was not the best place to be sewing sutures, but the power was out and Hakuba wasn’t willing to wait for it to come back. Even though it was just a break in the storm, there was more than enough light to work by, and the porch was mostly dry. “You really ought to take some painkillers, Hattori…” he sighed, threading the needle back and forth with practiced, dextrous hands. “And don’t give me that look: I know that you’re a badass, you’ve nothing to prove to me, you nut.”

♤: Taking a bath together

The power was still out after dinner, and with the wind shaking the trees and shutters, the pair decided there was really nothing left to do but take a bath. “S’just like that scene in Totoro, yeah?” Heiji asked, and Hakuba snorted in agreement. “Yes, just like.” They huddled together in the traditional bath in the dark, watching the storm through the window. Other than having to make sure that their new bandages didn’t get wet, it was perfectly safe and comfortable to wait right there, soaking their troubles away…

♡: Accidentally falling asleep together

…Hakuba woke up first, for once, because the water had finally gotten cold. Shivering, he nudged Heiji and whined until the Osakan got up so that they could both find their bath robes and run through the rain back to their room. “Why did we think this was a good idea, again?!” The half-brit cried as they streaked past the maintenance worker who looked up from under his umbrella at them, shaking his head. “Crazy kids…”

♢: Forehead or cheek kisses

“I’ll get the heater go-” Hakuba stopped mid-sentence to look around their room, which was dark and cold. “Or, nevermind, there’s still no power, Hattori…” To which Heiji replied, kissing his cheek. “Guess we’ll have ta get warm th’ old-fashioned way.”  

♠: Your muse adjusting their jewelry/neck tie/ etc.

Once all of the blankets from the supply room had been gathered, both Hakuba and Heiji nestled into the comfortable nest and carefully rearranged blankets to make certain that every inch of them was covered. It took quite a bit of wiggling, but they managed, and soon were able to just lie there and listen to the rain and rolling thunder. Hakuba tugged at one of the blankets to cover a bit more of Heiji’s shoulder, then leaned on him sleepily. 

♣: Back scratches

The power came back on sometime in the middle of the night with a whirring thud, waking both of them up, but only long enough to express their disapproval before going back to sleep. By morning, the rain had lightened to a drizzle, and the rising sun lit up their window in a pleasant, gentle glow. Hakuba stretched and rolled over onto Heiji, where he’d sprawled out, and lazily scratched his back while waiting for him to wake up. For once, he felt well-rested, probably because they’d both slept most of the evening and all night. Sighing, he nuzzled against the section of skin between Heiji’s shoulderblades, and traced the contours of muscle ever so gently with his fingertips. 

…it didn’t take long for him to drift off again, though.

[x]

Get Me

Leave a “Get Me” in my ask, and I will write a drabble about my character saving yours.

“No, really, he didn’t mean it like that at all, m’am.” Hakuba patted the Osakan’s back with a pleasant – if not completely smug – smile, head tilting in an effort to appear even more harmless and charming. “My associate here is just… well, a little bit… how to say it… Hot-blooded?

He knew that Heiji was fuming and probably only barely holding back a string of curses and insults, but that hardly mattered at the moment. It was far too important to save his ass, and far too amusing to get him into his debt in this way, so he wasn’t about to waste the opportunity. Not in a situation like this, where the offended party just happened to be a fan of the half-british detective. Ah, sweet revenge.

"At any rate, it was a simple misunderstanding, and he’s very sorry… aren’t you, Hattori-kun?" 

A CHALLENGE FOR HATTORI HEIJI

Once upon a time (earlier today), meitanteiosaka’s mun and I discussed an AU in which Hakuba was a shape-shifting gryphon/detective, tasked with the honor of going to Japan to slay the evil demon known as Spider. While there, he met Heiji, a shape-shifting tiger/detective beastie. The Koushien went as well as could be expected (just like the show, only with more being at each other’s throats), and the end result was a heck of a lot of residual anger and a serious need to posture. 

Thus, months later, Hakuba finally decides to challenge Heiji to a BATTLE. Over text messages, no less. The following is the hypothetical transcript of the transpiring challenge: 

Hakuba: [text] I am coming to visit.
Heiji: [text] who is this
Hakuba: [text] The REAL Detective of the WEST

pause

Heiji: [text] who
Hakuba: [text] HAKUBA SAGURU
Heiji: [text] FUCK YA YER NOT TH’ REAL DETECTIVE OF TH’ WEST
Hakuba: [text] YES I AM AND YOU CANNOT CONTEST THAT GEOGRAPHICALLY
Heiji: [text] KANSAI IS WESTERN JAPAN, ASSHOLE
Hakuba: [text] YES BUT I AM REFERRING TO THE GREATER WEST – I RULE ALL OF EUROPE
Heiji: [text] seriously doubt that. ya couldn’t rule a small house
Hakuba: [text] Oh just you wait, Hattori Heiji…. JUST YOU WAIT.
Heiji: [text] why’re ya comin’ here
Hakuba: [text] TO DEFEAT YOU IN BATTLE
Heiji: [text] bring it. yer gonna lose, just so ya know
Hakuba: [text] I SINCERELY DOUBT THAT, TORA-CHAN
Heiji: [text] DROP TH’ CHAN, PRICK
Hakuba: [text] TO-RA-CHA-N
Heiji: [text] UNGODLY UNION OF A BIRD AN’ HOUSECAT
Hakuba: [text] YOU WILL EAT THOSE WORDS YOU USELESS TABBY
Heiji: [text] I’LL FEED YA YER OWN TAIL
Hakuba: [text] I’LL TURN YOU TO BUTTER FOR MY PANCAKES

Heiji has to pause on that one because what?
seriously what?

Hakuba looks to Kaito

Hakuba: I think the challenging is going well~ he seems game to fight
Kaito: that’s…..good?
Hakuba: very successful banter indeed~

Heiji: [text] I’LL TURN YA INTA GLUE
Hakuba: [text] YOU’LL MAKE AN EXCELLENT THROW RUG FOR THE GARAGE
Heiji: [text] I’LL MOUNT YER HEAD IN MY OFFICE
Hakuba: [text] THAT WOULD BE THE ONLY WAY YOU’D EVER GET TO MOUNT ANYTHING
Heiji: [text] AN’ YET YA’D STILL BE TH’ ONE GETTIN’ MOUNTED

Hakuba GASPS at his phone

Kaito: were you slighted?
not looking up from his homework
Hakuba: !!!!! HE IS ….. ..!!!!! SUCH A BRUTE
Kaito: you’re both acting like kids
Hakuba: I AM GOING TO DESTROY HIM
Kaito: yeah, kind of a problem with that

Hakuba: [text] YOU ONLY WISH YOU COULD BE SO FORTUNATE TO HAVE SOMETHING AS GLORIOUS AS MYSELF

Hakuba: I won’t really KILL him just… teach him a LESSON
Kaito: you’re still a detective. upholder of the law. you shouldn’t be getting into fights just /because/
Hakuba: It’s not ////just because////, it’s for HONOUR
Hakuba: HE INSULTED ME

Heiji: [text] mighty big ego ya got there. I’d prolly just use ya as a paperweight

Kaito: and I’m sure you’re insulting him right back
Hakuba: well of course, but at least I’m not doing it in front of OTHER DETECTIVES

Hakuba: [text] We’ll see about that, HATTORI HEIJI. BE PREPARED FOR BATTLE THIS WEEKEND.
Heiji: [text] OH I WILL

Kaito: yeah. just regular citizens
Hakuba: no, I’m doing it over text 
Hakuba: you see, over the phone, only he is privy to the messages

Heiji: [text] WASH YER PRETTY LI’L NECK, HAKUBA, ‘CAUSE I’M GONNA RIP THOSE FEATHERS FROM YER ASS
Hakuba: [text] I think that you may also need to rethink your plan of dropping out of school; your understanding of anatomy could use some work.

pause

Heiji: [text] yer ignorance of common phrases astounds me
Hakuba: [text] you do recall that I’m a european gryphon, yes? or do you need to work on your geography as well?
Heiji: [text] yer still half Japanese. thought ya’d at least know some of yer heritage
Hakuba: [text] Perhaps I’ll think about residency here to do just that after I have defeated you
Heiji: [text] ya WISH
Hakuba: [text] I don’t need wishes; I forge my own destiny. I look forward to destroying yours.

Hakuba: Kuroba
Kaito: ye~s?
Hakuba: if someone says to wash your pretty little neck, are they referring to washing your neck before being beheaded?
Kaito: yep
Hakuba: And is that related to execution or the slaughtering of a chicken?
Kaito: uh, execution
Hakuba: Ah. All right, then.

Heiji: [text] yanno I’d say yer ego’s bigger than yer dick, but that ain’t difficult ta do

Hakuba: ….Kuroba
Kaito: hm?
Hakuba: it is generally ill-advised to send photos of one’s genitalia to your adversaries in this country, is it not?
Kaito: …..yes. yes it is. please tell me that it’s not like that in England
Hakuba: no, it’s thought of as quite childish there, as well
Kaito: are you guys seriously insulting each other’s….?
Hakuba: HE JUST DID
Hakuba: DO YOU SEE WHY I NEED TO DEFEAT HIM?!
Kaito: I see why you both need to stop fighting
Hakuba: and pray tell why is that
Kaito: because you are /children/
Hakuba: well, technically, yes
Kaito: fine
Kaito: you know what
Kaito: go have your fight. I’m going to be grabbing a crepe or something in the meantime

Heiji: [text] betcha don’t even got th’ balls ta come ta Osaka, pretty bird~
Hakuba: [text] I’ve already booked the hotel, tora-chan.
Hakuba: [text] you may want to be careful when speaking of anatomical comparison; after all, the national average for your country doesn’t afford much hope for you~

Heiji’s going ‘FUCK’

Heiji: [text] are ya sayin’ ya’d like ta show me yers? sorry Hakuba, but I ain’t interested
Hakuba: [text] you were the one who brought it up, RIVAL HATTORI HEIJI! But no, you are not worthy, anyway.

Hakuba: he’s so crude
Hakuba: I surely must defeat him
Kaito: you keep telling yourself that
Hakuba: he keeps talking about his…! 
Kaito: mmhm
Hakuba: disgusting, honestly

Kaito’s only half-listening
Hakuba looks at his phone in despair
Heiji isn’t responding, he’s calling Shinichi to COMPLAIN LOUDLY

((so Heiji and Hakuba had a haiku battle))
setting: a balcony at night, drinking sake while doing a moon-viewing. traditionally, one is supposed to recite poetry during this.
Heiji: Isn’t th’ moonlight
rather beautiful tonight?
Naa, Hakuba.
Hakuba: Yes, it is rather beautiful.
Heiji: Ya fail utterly.
Not even realizin’…
Yer rather hopeless~
Heiji: Drawin’ a blank, huh?
I don’t blame ya, Hakuba.
It ain’t that easy.
Hakuba: It is not as though …
I’ve a terrible accent..
to bend the rules with?
Heiji: Ya’ve figgered it out.
I speak Japanese just fine.
Don’t insult me, prat.
Hakuba: You cannot blame me,
a half-blooded foreigner,
for finding it hard.
Heiji: Half-blooded’r not,
poetry’s fer th’ cultured.
Some just can’t do it~
Hakuba: Ah, actually,
I meant understanding /you/;
the poetry’s fine.
Heiji: Ya’ve got a point there.
A foreigner like ya can’t
follow proper speech.
Hakuba: You speak too quickly!
It’s difficult to keep up,
much less understand.
Heiji: Tokyo-ben’s too slow.
Ain’t my fault ya can’t keep up.
Ya should really learn.
Hakuba: Oh please, Hattori;
I’ve learned /proper/ Japanese,
not your Kansai-ben.
Heiji: Kansai-ben’s proper!
Stop insultin’ me, will ya?
We’re wastin’ moonlight.
Hakuba: My apologies;
you are just so fun to tease!
Pass the sake, please~
Heiji: Here’s yer blasted drink.
Good rice, good year, good sake.
Hope ya choke on it.
Hakuba: And here I had thought,
as foolish as it may be,
that we’d become friends!
Heiji: Ya mean we ain’t friends?
An’ here I thought we might’ve
had somethin’. Ah well.
Hakuba: …You did just tell me,
if I am not mistaken,
to choke on sake.
Heiji: Ya mean ya wouldn’t
enjoy CPR from me?
Ya’d be missin’ out.
((and then Hakuba gave up))

@

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There wasn’t much room in the elevator; not with that luggage cart taking up more than half of it. Hakuba was so close against Hattori that he could feel each breath that he took. Could smell that clean sweat from their running earlier. It was hot in that metal box, and not just from the close proximity of the two detectives. They’d been murmuring for a while, making concessions and confessions, and it took very little effort to draw his hand around to the Osakan’s thigh, sliding deftly into his pocket. 

“I know that you’ve been wanting this a long time…” he whispered against his ear, breath hot. “But I’m afraid that I just… can’t let you be the top dog. Not this time.”

He turned his head to press his teeth against Heiji’s neck while his dexterous fingers fished the stolen gem from his pocket. 

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“…I get to turn this in, since I was the one who got it back from Kid. You go investigate the king suite like a good little assistant.”

“Hey Heiji! When you and Hakuba-kun fight, you sound like an old married couple!”

kitameguire:

meitanteiosaka:

meitanteiosaka:

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“Ya stay outta this!”

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“Heh. S’obvious ya’d be th’ wife. Though I don’t see why anyone would wanna marry ya.”

"Come on, Hattori-kun! Hakuba-kun would be the husband because he is handsome and polite. You are like the nagging wife because you yell all the time.”

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“Why thank you, Yamashita-chan, but I’m afraid that being polite and handsome are not enough to make one an adequate husband… Regardless…

"Hattori-kun! You cut me to the quick. I may excel at more domestic skills than you doesn’t mean that you should count yourself out for the lucky role of being my bride… Though, I suppose it would be only natural for you to assume such, being surrounded by women in your life who have absolute control and authority over you. Therefore, if you’d prefer to play the role of whipped husband, I’ll concede to let you have at it.”