Tag Archives: koizumiakako

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koizumiakako:

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“No, I didn’t know. But I can’t really say that I’m surprised by it,” she answered to his first question. “You’ve displayed quite a few self-destructive tendencies already.”

She paused not really sure how to continue. On one hand she wanted to cause him strenuous discomfort but on the other hand… she really just wanted to lie and sugar coat it. Obviously, neither one of those things were going to be helpful.

“I’m not going to lie to you. My original goal was to make Kuroba-kun jealous, or at the very least, notice me. No matter what I did, he completely ignored my advances. You were a rival, the perfect opportunity to make him upset.” It was the truth, no matter how painful. Lying wouldn’t get her anywhere. “It didn’t work of course. It never does…

"But even knowing that, I hesitated to end our fabricated relationship.” She bit her lip painfully, trying to keep herself grounded in the present. “You were loyal, kind, a good listener… and completely genuine… that terrified me. It scared me to think that you weren’t there because of my spell. So I tried to end it before you got too attached. Strike two, right?

"I used you to get to him even though it’s completely hopeless. I know that and I think I’ve always known that… even before. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I need you to understand that it wasn’t all make-believe. I’m not that heartless.”

“Hah…" 

Hakuba stood for a moment, watching Akako as he processed what she’d said, giving that cold, sort of heart-broken laugh.

"Please, allow me to reiterate. You cast a spell, used me to try to attract Kuroba-san, and when you found out that I had fallen for you,  dumped me and pushed me away. Because it scared you… that you were getting attached?”

He shrugged, helplessly. “And now, you don’t want me because I’m worthless, soiled, and self-destructive. Too dirty and common for your tastes. And you wonder why I’m self-destructive." 

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koizumiakako:

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“You’re missing the part where I actually did like you, enjoyed your company, and allowed you to be closer to me than anyone has in a long time.” She gritted her teeth and her volume raised significantly for the following part. “I even let you see me in sweat pants for crying out loud! Do you know how many people have seen me in sweat pants!?”

It might seem silly to anyone else, but allowing someone to see her in that less-than-flawless state meant quite a lot to her because it meant trust.

“It was just as silly of me to go along with it longer than necessary just because of pointless infatuation. Do you want me to apologize? Because I won’t. There isn’t any point in it. What’s done is done and your incessant need to wallow in the past isn’t healthy.”

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“I know it isn’t healthy. Neither is the alcohol, or the cigarettes – were you aware of those? Or the double, triple workloads that I take on? The one night stands.. Hah! None of it is. I know that. You know that. More than anyone else, possibly. I’m not proud of what I do. In fact, Koizumi-san, I…" 

He shook his head. 

"I appreciate what you’ve tried to do. I… I just.. I don’t understand. If you liked me so much, why did you…? Why did you use me like that? Surely you know… Surely you… with…”

The detective’s words trailed off as his gaze lowered to the floor, at a loss for how to describe what he felt.. mostly because he didn’t know how to decipher it, himself. 

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koizumiakako:

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“When will it cross your mind that I don’t want you to say anything at all? You’re wasting your own time and breath. If I wanted to listen to you drown in your own self-pity, I would’ve…”

She paused, realizing her own rising blood pressure and quickened heartbeat, forcing herself to take a deep breath and calm down. The last thing she wanted to do was to fan the flames of discord. Her gift had been intended as an olive branch in the first place and the fire was doing quick work of her peace offering without assistance.

“For a detective, you certainly like to assume quite a lot that has never been spoken. You seem to think that our relationship was nothing but one-sided interest. Well, you’re wrong. So whatever vindication you have that you think justifies your claims might need a second look. I’m not going to stand here and argue something that you have never even had the courage to ask about.

"So if all you want is to take out your frustrations then you should find someone who knows even less about the situation than you do.”

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She didn’t want him to speak. She didn’t care about what he was feeling, or why. Each word lashed at him, dug at those scars, reaffirmed what he’d been afraid of all along. Worse, she was right about everything, and he knew it. The detective took a step back and shook his head. 

“Why don’t you tell me then, Koizumi-san? Why don’t you explain to me what it is that I’m missing? Tell me the answer to what I was too terrified to ask. Please clarify. Tell me, once and for all, what it was that I meant to you. If you wanted to clear the air, here’s your chance." 

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koizumiakako:

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“Why would I?” she asked coldly. “It’s obvious that you’ll offer the same to the next pretty little thing you see. I would prefer it to be a little more special than that. I may not look it but I am actually a woman with a brain and a heart. I’m not so easy as the tramps you like to meet in a club. One-night stands just aren’t my thing.”

She was so used to picking and prodding at sore areas until they bled that she could no longer see when it was appropriate and when it was quite possibly the worst thing she could do. “I don’t care who shares your community bed because I refuse to share something like that in a place so often used.”

That stung. A lot more than Hakuba wanted to let on. He stared for a moment, jaw tightening under a grimace. 

“I didn’t even look at anyone else while we were dating, and that wasn’t due to your ridiculous love spell,” came his cold reply, using every ounce of energy to keep himself calm; to keep his volume low. But he wasn’t doing a very good job at it.

“I wanted to love you, but I’m CLEARLY not worth your time or effort. I know I’m fucked up. I never claimed not to be! I can’t change the past, and since that’s all that ever seems to matter, I guess I’m never going to be of use to anyone. Is that what you want me to say? Because I know that already, so please do me a favor and STOP wasting my TIME!" 

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koizumiakako:

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“If I wanted to torture you I would send snakes. Laugh at magic all you want, but there is nothing ‘logical’ or ‘rational’ about kindness, or any emotion for that matter, so don’t stand there and chastise me for ‘mixed signals’ when you’re the one falling into bed with anyone you take a fancy to.”

Hakuba stared. At first, he’d wanted to make a comment on the snakes. Who would send snakes after someone, honestly? But her finishing comments threw the snakes from his mind and into the river. He gaped. “…Did you just-? Tell me you did NOT just say that!”  The detective, furious, clenched fists at his sides, posture turning rigid. 

“Just WHAT are you trying to say, Koizumi-san?! Are you jealous? I offered the same to you and was met with cold rejection. Why the hell does it matter to you what I do with my life?!" 

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koizumiakako:

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“Of course! Hakuba Saguru is the only one in this world who could turn gift-giving into an argument. Remind me to never bother again. Kindness is something that will only ever get shoved back into a person’s face.”

“Well then, perhaps you should have gotten me something red as is your preference. At least then you would have gotten some enjoyment out of torturing me. Really, I do not understand all of these mixed signals. Have you ever made the attempt at being logical and rational, or is your magic the sort of tactile ‘I feel it in my bones,’ ‘let me check the stars,’ ‘I saw this in a film once’ type?”

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“I got you a gift. I know you prefer your clothes a little more reserved but I even chose the blue ones over the red for you.”

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“I’m sure that you can find something to wear with them. I might even buy you an outfit to go with it for Christmas. Happy birthday, Hakuba-kun.”

–

“A gift from Koizumi-san? I’m not sure whether to be frightened or elated. Still, they are nice… and you did, indeed, pick blue instead of red…" 

"Well, I suppose I shall have to inspect them and, if they end up being clean and free of any poisons, traps, and visible curses, I will put them to good use. Thank you, Koizumi-san… I…”

“…it was actually very sweet of you to remember my birthday. Thank you, again.”

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koizumiakako:

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She deserved that…

“Your prevarication is pointless, Hakuba-kun. I did not ask you to sit with me so that I could listen to you complain,” she snapped, crossing one leg over the other and placing her hands delicately in her lap. “You know very well that I did not request your company to ridicule you so I would ask that you do me the same courtesy.“

She didn’t mean to bark at him but he was acting very unlike himself, or perhaps it had really just been that long since they had seen each other. People could change their attitudes so quickly some times.

Leaning back against the chair, she tilted her chin down to look up at him, more defensive than offensive. Maybe that would get him to relax a little. She had no use for a puffed up detective. He would probably just sit there in his bubble of rage for the rest of the visit.

"If we can come to a cordial agreement then perhaps we can get somewhere with this conversation. Otherwise, you can be on your way,” she remarked, allowing just a hint of irritation into her voice. “I’m sure you have so much shopping to do. A new outfit to impress, perhaps. You always looked good in red.“ She was rambling casually, trying to get him to calm down, though it was true. He looked handsome in red and white and she sort of missed giving him little bits of advice like that.

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Hakuba managed to have a somewhat placid, neutral expression on his face for most of Akako’s chiding. But the flirting… and the irritation… It was almost too much. The detective sighed with a huff and leaned back in his chair, arms folding across his chest. 

"All right, all right. I apologize. I’m certain you can’t blame me for being… defensive.” But even with those words, he was laying back the bristled quills. Reluctantly, but doing so regardless. “No need for shameless flattery, I believe we both know where we stand on the issue of attraction…”  Namely that, at one time, he’d thought of her as quite beautiful and had made that absolutely clear. And, he thought, she had liked him well enough, as well. 

He didn’t manage to force a smile at first, but the scowl faded, at least. “What do I owe the pleasure of your company this afternoon, Koizumi-san? I… do hope that it’s not only fashion advice, because you very well know that I prefer the color blue.”  It was a tease. And with it, did come an uneasy half-smile. Hesitant, half-hearted, but an effort nonetheless.