Blond Humbug

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Kaito froze wide eyed as the other wrapped the scarf around his neck. His breathing increase quietly as he stared at him. Slowly he blinked and looked down at the cloth. Hakuba’s scent and his cologne surrounded him and the weight of the fabric felt like arms wrapped around his neck. The image of Hakuba hold him gently and enveloping him had Kaito blushing from under is collar to his hairline. He angled his head back and furrowed his brow to kept from burying his nose in scarf and made small little choked squeaks from his throat as he tried to say something.

Hakuba watched his classmate while he struggled, then smiled, satisfied. “Good! That’s what I thought. Let’s continue on, then, shall we? If you’ve really been all that cold, this should help. Cashmere, as I said. Burberry. It’s very nice, and now you can try it for yourself!”

As if that really fixed anything. 

The detective pushed past him to continue on their path, chipper once again, trying to forget just how cute he was all bundled up like that. “Come along, come along~!" 

Blond Humbug

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He jumped when the fabric brushed against his cheek. Glare up at the detective he stopped walking and nearly punched him. “I don’t want or need your pity, Hakuba!”

It was a good thing that they were both burdened by the bags of supplies. Hakuba glared right back at Kaito, shifting the bags so that he could use both hands to wrap the scarf around Kaito’s neck. “Yes, yes, I’m well aware, you’re very independent and strong and you don’t need someone to help you or protect you or provide for you or anything of the kind, I understand." 

The detective attempted to get it successfully tied before stepping back and out of Kaito’s reach, though he knew that the shorter one was easily faster than he was. 

"There.” He huffed. “Do you feel better?”

Blond Humbug

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He spun around and faced him again not because Hakuba called to him because he was to damn annoyed to consider actually thinking straight. This time he didn’t slip and looked like a sick child ready to throw a temper tantrum.  ”Why? So you can make fun of me again?! Or to rub your money in my face. Trust me Hakuba I know what you have.” He sighed and felt his energy vanish as fast as it came. “Forget it. Just forget it.” 

He turned back around and started to shuffle off. He was too cold and too tired and too frustrated with everything to do much else. Anger had its perks and its cons. When it came he was warm again when it left it just left him drained and even colder. He sneezed and tired to bundle up again.

“Can we just go? Please … please?”

“I really hadn’t meant to do any of those things,” Hakuba stammered, voice pleading, though the longer Kaito remained fixated on it, the more heated were his defenses. “I didn’t want to make fun of you, and I don’t care about the money, I didn’t mean to…" 

The detective huffed, steam coming out as a cloud from his mouth in the chilly air. "Don’t turn your back on me, Kuroba-kun!” he said, shuffling after him with Something To Prove– which couldn’t be done if Kaito just kept walking away. 

“We are going, but we’re supposed to go together and… and…” Frustrated, Hakuba began to untie his own scarf, shopping bags banging against each other and his sides with the violent effort. Finally, once it was free, he thrust it at Kaito, right over his shoulder and from behind, since Hakuba was so tall. 

“Here! Take it!" 

Blond Humbug

smokebombsandmirrors:

Kaito spun on his heel and nearly slipped on ice again. He could feel the soles nearly give. He really need to get some with better treads. “Actually I do know. Some people can’t afford to drop 600 pounds much less 150 dollars on clothes. Now if you don’t mind I would like to get out of the cold before I bust my ass on ice and deal with you insulting me and my country any longer. So can we please just get back to the classroom in peace and one piece.”

He whirled back around and continued to storm off. 

December 24th, Last Year (The “Present”)

“Wait, let me get this straight.” Jones rubbed the bridge of his nose between his eyes.

It was an action which Hakuba had seen him perform many, many times in the past. It was easy to imagine it as he lay under the piano, recounting the story. “What?”

“So you were getting supplies for a Christmas party with your Japanese friend–”

Classmate." Hakuba corrected him.

”–with your classmate who, again, is Japanese, while complaining about Japan, its people, customs, and differences?“

"And the snow. Don’t forget that.”

“I thought that was part of your narrative. Did you actually complain about the snow?”

Hakuba hummed. “I might have at some point, yes.”

Jones sighed. “So you were ranting and raving about how much you hate Japan–”

“I don’t hate Japan, I just don’t like it very much.”

“–regardless, you were doing this while in the company of your Japanese classmate, and then you critique his taste of clothing and criticize his financial standing?”

“Well…”  The blond looked up at the bottom of the piano, tracing fingers over the crayon drawings from so many years ago. Though he wasn’t certain of its actual bluebook value, he knew that it was somewhere in the range of $600-700k. Just for the piano. “To be honest, I just don’t think about that very often.”

“What, that not everyone is filthy rich like you?” Jones was snickering.

“Right. It just doesn’t occur to me… I make my own money, and I suppose I’ve never really been interested in material possessions other than clothes, but…” Hakuba sighed. “If you go by the theory of self-actualization, I suppose I already have those things, so I’m blind to it.”

“At least you’re aware that you’re blind.”

“Sometimes.”

There was another lull while Jones sighed. “So, the making out in the alleyway?”

“I’m getting to that!”

“Then get on with it!”

“I’m telling this story, Jones, and I know that you love my stories, so just let me do it as I see fit!”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re a regular John Watson… go.

"Right, then. So I’d just made a muck of things with him again, as usual, and yes, showing off that I’m a ruddy git who is unintentionally insensitive, nationalistic–”

“I already knew that you hated Americans.”

“Hush! I do not!”

“Fine, fine, go on.”

“So I just made an ass of myself and Kuroba-kun–”

“That’s the kid’s name?”

“Uhhh… yes. Anyway, so I didn’t realize that he knew just how much burberry scarves cost, or that he was aware of the context in which…” Hakuba sighed, dropping his arm to lay over his chest. “It was bad, Jones. It was very bad. I was so embarrassed. Especially because he just kept slipping and it wasn’t as if he’d done anything wrong…”

“So what did you do?”

“Well, I caught up to him, of course…”

One Week Earlier (“Thirty four point seven six seconds after Kuroba-kun stormed off”)

“Kuroba-kun!” Hakuba reached for his shoulder, eyes wide, pleading as he caught up to him again, nearly slipping on the ice himself. This was something that didn’t really happen to him often. Slipping on ice, that is– he was quite used to traversing on slick, frozen sidewalks, and most certainly used to putting his foot in his mouth. 

“Wait, really, I’m sorry. Please wait? God, I didn’t mean to get all… well, you know! I just… this place! And there are so many… and the…!" 

Frustrated, trying not to slip, trying to balance everything in his arms, and grab onto Kuroba-kun as really not working out all that well for him. 

"God will you please just listen to me?!”

Blond Humbug

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Red faced Kaito glared at him. “Jerk.”

He pushed away from the glass and hurried down the side walk. Not everyone was rich and could afford nice clothes. He clenched the bags of stuff in his hurting hands and tried to bury himself deeper in his useless coat. He felt so … inadequate standing near the other. Like a pauper and a prince. A prince with a chauvinistic pig like attitude and little care for the little middle class thief walking beside him. Not that he knew he was a thief. That wasn’t the point here. No, the point he was trying to establish was that Hakuba was a jerk.

“…Jerk?" Hakuba was stunned, staring, and it took him a moment to realize that Kaito had left. "Ah- hey! Kuroba-kun! Wait for me!”

The detective scurried after the thief, lips pressed in a frown. He had to sort of shuffle to keep hold of everything in his arms while keeping his hands in the warmth of his pockets. He hadn’t meant to offend Kaito, though as he chased after, it sort of dawned on him that perhaps he had.

“Ah, apologies, I hadn’t meant to sound so critical, it’s just that burberry is… well, it’s, cashmere! You know what I mean?" 

Because that really fixes anything, right? 

Blond Humbug

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He jumped back from the window as if it bite him and slammed into the other back. He felt his breath hitch and froze before he jumped and slipped on ice. He caught himself against the glass and just glared at red faced. He had been caught indulging in a moment of fantasy. Turning so his back wasn’t to there other he just hung his head embarrassed beyond belief.

That was enough confirmation for Hakuba, who simply looked at him, body unmoving against the bump of the other, though he reached out a hand to help steady him. Ice was something that he was used to, so he did the action without a second thought, so distracted by the object of Kaito’s attention. 

He leaned closer still, eyes narrowing as he inspected it. “Hmm…” he said, putting on his critical gaze. “It’s no burberry, but it does seem like it’s a fine enough scarf, yes…” Without thinking about it, he used his free hand to stroke the cashmere around his neck fondly. He had to admit that the color was very nice; Kaito had good taste.

“But then, nothing compares to burberry, does it?" 

Blond Humbug

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Kaito sniffed and prayed he wasn’t getting sick. “Well, I usually spend Christmas alone.”

That was how it had been for the past five or seven years. At least when his mother started travelling more. It was hard those first years but he finally got used to it. Stay at home with a small real tree with little light and even smaller amount of decorations, a homemade Christmas cake and music playing in the background. He was alone. That always struck him the most. Especially when all he had to do was look out the windows and see families cuddled together.

He hunched down even more, glanced to the side to see the shops, and slowed to a stop. It was the red that caught is eye. A deep red scarf was wrapped around a mannequins neck and fluttered down near its waist. The price was way out of his reach though and all he could do was imagine what it would look like on him. Sighing he shivered against the cold and stared at it longingly. 

The answer surprised him. Hakuba frowned, taken aback, and didn’t say anything for a moment, particularly when Kaito came to a halt in front of the next window. Awkwardly, he rubbed the back of his neck, trying to come up with something to offer that would make it better, but he wasn’t having much success.

“Ah, well, I suppose… ah…”  Part of him wanted to invite Kaito to come home with him. He was certain that there could be accommodations made, that his mother would be more than happy to have a guest, and that it would make the holiday much more enjoyable for his classmate. But then, Hakuba also knew that there was no way he could ever convince Kaito to go with him.

…besides, what they’d been saying in class was true. The rumors and little teasing whispers. He did have a thing for Kuroba, and it was against his policy to date classmates, or act on crushes, or anything of that ilk, so it was completely out of the question. Besides, Kaitou KID. 

His thoughts derailed, however, as his gaze settled on the item that Kaito was so focused on. “Hm… are you looking at that scarf?” Hakuba asked, leaning over him to get a better look, brushing against his shoulder. 

Blond Humbug

smokebombsandmirrors:

Kaito was barely listening to the blonde. It was cold and he didn’t take too well to it. His bare hands were freezing numb and his cheap winter coat did little to help against the biting cold. He had been listening to the detective for the last hour or two, he couldn’t remember now, rant and rave about Christmas, which in his opinion wasn’t that bad. It was a time to be romantic and cherish time with family and loved ones.

He did glance around briefly and didn’t see the gaudy decoration he was so used to but the peaceful loving faces of those who passed by. For a moment he wished for something like that but here he was stuck with a Englishman with a vendetta and an attitude of a pissed off terrier. He wasn’t expecting to get shoved out the classroom and force to pick up supplies and for what defending himself against the detective’s accusations. 

He sighed and tried to bury his hurting nose into the fabric of his coat. The question caught him off guard. Casting a side ways glance he glared at the other.

“Why do you care?” he replied back prickly. He nerves were jumping around in his throat like always when the other talked to him. 

“Well,” Hakuba said, tilting his head to look from Kaito to the next window as they passed, noting privately that it wasn’t nearly as attractively frosted as the ones back home. “I’m a pesky detective, clearly. It’s my job to ask annoying questions like that. Besides, I’m curious.”

Mittens on, he pushed his hands back into his pockets, shuffling the bags of things that the rep said they needed for the party. She’d only sent them out because they had been bickering again, he knew, but he didn’t quite understand the logic behind it. What made her think that forcing them to spend some time out in town would help anything? If anything, it seemed to be making things worse. 

Blond Humbug

December 24th, Last Year

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“Oh, hullo Jones! Happy Christmas!”

“Happy… merry… Christmas to you, too, Saguru. Look, I’m sorry to interrupt your holiday, but–”

Hakuba laughed, stretching out his free arm before glancing at his wrist watch. “You’re not really interrupting anything. There’s still seventy-four minutes, fifteen seconds until we’re to leave for my grandmum’s, and I’m already packed.”

“That’s good to hear, but–”

“Sincerely, Jones, all that I’m doing is lying underneath the piano, waiting for everyone else.”

There was an awkward pause. “Under the piano?”

“Yes. Of course.” Hakuba closed his eyes, amused and content as if his actions were the most normal thing in all the world. “It’s a Steinway D-274, you know. Absolutely gorgeous instrument. Such wonderful sound.”

Another pause, this one while Jones scratched his head. “What… are you talking about?”

“The piano. My mum’s piano.”

“…right, anyway, the reason I’m calling is because I got some reports and some very interesting photos of you from last week that I wanted to discuss.”

The hesitation, this time, was on Hakuba’s end. “Photographs?" 

"Yes. Of you. With someone. In an alleyway.”

“Uh…" 

"Care to tell me what that was all about, favorite client of mine?”

“It’s… are you certain it was me?”

Jones laughed. “How many six foot tall half-brit blond teenagers do you know in Japan?”

“I can explain.”

“You’d better.”

“It’s not what it looks like!”

“Really? Because it looked like you were making out with–”

“N-no! It.. uh, it… it was for a case!”

“Forgive me if I’m a little skeptical. I’m well aware that you’re quite the lady’s man at parties, but a dimly lit alleyway in the city?”

Hakuba sighed, grimacing, and ran a hand through his hair. “It was my classmate… look, it happened like this…" 

One Week Earlier…

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There was snow on the ground, but it wasn’t quite the thick blanket that the detective had come to expect during the time of year. The garden at the estate in London was probably under half a foot of snow at least, not a light dusting like in Ekoda. Ah well, at least the winter chill permitted Hakuba to wear his burberry scarf and milford coat, both of which he loved. 

He also loved the fact that he was going home for the holiday the following afternoon, four days early, escaping the tyranny of the godless Japanese school system. Soon, he’d be home with his mother, able to enjoy Christmas shopping at Covent Garden, eating fish and chips under the very traditional Christmas decorations, trees all around and… god, he couldn’t wait! 

But he had to wait, because there were errands still to run. For school. 

Hakuba glanced over to his walking companion, one Kuroba Kaito, classmate and the prime suspect for the case he’d been working on for the past fifteen months. Despite countless confrontations, though, Kaito hadn’t budged on the fact that he was Kaitou KID. Needless to say, even having backed off after the whole Nightmare disaster, the two still didn’t get along very well.

Though, it wasn’t as if Hakuba made much effort to lessen the tension…

"Just look at these storefronts,” he muttered, fumbling for the mittens in his coat pockets. “Proclaiming Christmas despite not even really knowing what it’s about, turning it from a familial holiday to one of romance? Ridiculous. And these decorations…” He shook his head. “It’s almost as if the Japanese don’t know what Santa Claus even really looks like!”

He was chattering because he was cold and because Kaito was quiet. Forced by their class rep to pick up the supplies for the Christmas party – “Which I won’t even be here for!” – found the pair in the downtown shopping district. Snow fell in quiet, sporadic showers, though the brit reasoned it was more of a ghostly misting than a true snowfall. Typical. 

“Tell me, Kuroba-kun, do you celebrate Christmas? And I mean in the traditional sense, not in the made up ‘lover’s holiday’ sort of way." 

Yes, Hakuba Saguru was in rare form that night. Although his criticism was normal, the blatant distaste for the Eastern half of his heritage was not something that he so often discussed openly, much less actually felt. Alas, soapboxing was a dangerous sport…