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Re: The Hopelessness of Hakuba

blackfeatherswhitedoves:

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“Driven insane by baked goods.  You know, that’s just crazy enough that I can actually see that happening.  I think it’s more likely someone wanted to send you into a sugar coma and make you gain a few pounds.  Then you could be the Doughy Detective.  I will admit though, that would’ve been a good means of misdirection if someone wanted you distracted.”

“I… shall have to watch out for that, then. Both the distractions, and the induction of sugar comas… Doughy Detective? No, thank you. I keep a strict diet regimen to ensure that I can have my tea just as I like it…" 

…

"Do you think that I’m too uptight, Kuroba-kun?" 

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Re: The Hopelessness of Hakuba

blackfeatherswhitedoves:

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“I see your point.  Cookies in large amounts can be so sinister.  What if the gifter was trying to give you diabetes from such a large sugar dose?  Or perhaps they think you have a nut allergy and put walnuts in them?”

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“Stranger things have happened… I suspect that they wanted to ruin my trim figure somehow, but honestly, how can anyone be expected to eat three hundred cookies on their own…? I suppose they could have known that I would over-analyze the gesture and spend all night running in circles… perhaps that was their sinister intent: to drive me to madness.”

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Re: COOKIES

osakansax said: “Ya know’f ya jus’ give them ta those “blokes with th’ very nice car,” one of them can eat all’f them an’ still have room fer two cakes an’ a 2-liter bottle of rum.”

 

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“Is that so? Well then… I suppose I will bring them by. After all, anyone with such good taste in automobiles would certainly appreciate these cookies which – from what I have seen thus far – ARE safe to eat…”

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Question 008 (if you give a Hakuba a cookie…)

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“While undoubtedly delicious, three hundred seems a tad excessive, doesn’t it? I may nip one or two for myself, but if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to share the rest with my followers… Let’s see, two hundred ninety-eight divided by twenty is… 14.9 cookies per follower.”

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“That’s still… quite an unhealthy ratio of cookies per person. But, wait, perhaps if I take an equal share and also send some over to those blokes with the very nice car…  That’s three hundred divided by twenty-three, leaving us with 13.043 per person…”

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“No, no, that won’t do at all… I can’t imagine that anyone should want more than two cookies, but that would mean that I would need one hundred and fifty people to give cookies to… I suppose I could take them to my father’s office but even that would be excessive and then I would have to worry that my father’s colleagues are assuming that I’m trying to gain additional favor… and I can’t have that!”

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“Perhaps one of the upcoming charity events? No… then I’d have to register them and it would not be coming from a proper catering service which would raise suspicion that we’re cutting budgets… and if I just left them there discretely, they would suspect that they were poisonous…”

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“Actually, I don’t know the origin of these cookies in the first place… How do I know that they are safe for anyone to consume, much less my fans, friends, family, and colleagues?!”

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“…I could always send them to Hattori-san… but I believe by this point that may be suspect for several different reasons.”

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“I would just throw them away and be done with it, but I wouldn’t want to be rude. It was awfully considerate of that person to send me cookies in the first place, especially as I do love the occasional treat…" 

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"Well! I suppose I ought to get on testing these cookies to ensure their quality and safety. then. It should only take me three or four hours to reach a conclusion.”