by

koizumiakako:

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She only nodded, strain evident on her face. A part of her had been wishing that maybe he would concede and allow her back into his arms but she scoffed at her own ridiculous idea. He would never and neither would she. Pride and determination would make sure of that.

As quickly as she could Akako turned on her heel, clumsier than usual, but managed to keep herself upright and striding away. There wasn’t any confidence ormalice in her step, just exhaustion and disappointment. “Try not to overwork yourself,” she called back hesitantly, not sure if she should say anything at all. But the deed was done. Now they could go back to normal…

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Yes… back to normal.

The detective waited until she was gone, steeling himself against that compulsion to go after her, to stop her, to grasp her as he’d thought about countless times… and then he calmly gathered his things, checked the time on his pocket watch, and headed out for the day.

He had a friend/classmate to pick up for a trip to Tokyo. An afternoon to get away and distract himself from, well, himself. 

Happy birthday, indeed.

by

koizumiakako:

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She didn’t even have the energy to counter that. After all, there wasn’t anything he said that wasn’t true. She wasn’t angry, or sad, or any other emotion that might be appropriate in her situation. She was just tired. The last thing she wanted to do was to keep fighting a losing battle but that’s all she had been doing since day one.

“Then I suppose I’ll just continue being alone. You’ve rejected my peace offering so all I have left to do is to keep trying in some vain hope that he’ll return my feelings one day… which he won’t. But I’ll keep doing it.”

Her shoulders slumped in a very dismissive way as she turned her attention to a wall to her right. Teaching herself how to not cry had been the most useful skill she had ever learned as a child and she was so grateful for it right then. But she had been alone for so long already, what was the rest of her life?

“You can return the gift if you like. The receipt is in the box. Then you can buy something you actually want. Maybe some new cologne and then you can spend the rest of it on a night out. Maybe find a new companion.” She took a deep breath before turning back to him and smiling her usual, distant smile. “I’ll keep away as best I can. No promises though, Tantei-san.”

"I will wish you the best of luck in your pursuits, Koizumi-san.” Hakuba answered, tone neutral, placid. Just the same way it was day in and day out. Likewise distant, likewise hurting, and always hidden. He watched her for a moment, lips drawn in a straight line, neither smiling nor frowning.

His mouth curved into a faint, but forced smile that never reached his eyes. He, too, was tired. “I appreciate your attention to detail; remembering my birthday, making a point of buying a gift of my preference, delivering it to me in person. Thank you.”

The detective offered her a bow, formal and respectful, then straightened up to show that, really, there was no victory in this. He got no joy from their argument. Nothing but pain in their concessions and admissions. It hurt. Everything hurt and there was no end to it. 

“I’m certain that I’ll see you around. I hope you have a pleasant rest of your day.”

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koizumiakako:

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“Your selective hearing is becoming vexatious,” she growled. “What exactly do you want from me? I simply told you the truth and now you’re acting as if you want to pick up where we left off even though you talk about me with vinegared words.

"Yes, I got attached to you and yes, I got scared. You must look at me like a robot if I should be so incapable of making mistakes. Of feeling fear.” It was taking all of her willpower not to say something hurtful. Fight or flight was starting to kick in… she was going to have to admit to something private if she wanted this is end on a better note.

“Did you know, Hakuba-kun,that I had never had a boyfriend before you? I was already in brand new territory. I make people fall in fake love with me because I’m terrified of actual love. Terrified of what it might do to me. I can’t possibly hope to make someone like you understand… someone constantly surrounded by people who choose to be there.” She felt her face heating up and dug her nails into the flesh of her palm. “It’s sickening how you take it for granted…”

"And you don’t?" Hakuba raised an incredulous brow, jaw tight with frustration at the mess of it all. "There are dozens of boys at school who would worship at your feet if you would give them the chance, but you only seem interested in those who would pose a challenge.”

He tilted his head, expression suddenly something between a scowl and a triumphant smile at his sudden realization. “You know what I think? I think that you and I are not at all dissimilar. In fact, you and I share many of the same vices. I don’t use love spells, but I dabble in ‘fake love’ all of the time because I’m convinced that no one could love me. People don’t choose to be around me, Koizumi-san. People avoid me except when they can take advantage of me. And I let them because it’s at least better than being alone, isn’t it?”

The detective laughed. “God, and yes, I have it bad for Kuroba-kun, just like you. And just as it is for you, it’s a pointless chase. Neither of us are going to win in the end. I’m constantly afraid, despite the rejection being, likewise, constant. I, like you, am alone so much of the time. Perhaps no one can stand us. Perhaps we don’t let anyone near us. It doesn’t matter either way because we are, still, alone.

”…and for the record, Koizumi-san, you were the only girlfriend I’ve ever had. And I was terrified to even try because relationships and I never work out well. Still haven’t. So, no, I understand. I understand very, very well.“

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koizumiakako reblogged your post and added:

“He also speaks French, English, and Italian. Why should you feel shame? He’s so adorable after all… and he looks so much like Kuroba-kun. Hmmm… that’s interesting.”

“He… he does? Ah… Are you quite done with this ridiculous interrogation?”