holy moly this is long let’s put it behind a read more.

As usual, I’ll move on to the next sequential number for ones I’ve already done. 

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

Jurassic Park came out in 1993, a time when the Pioneer Crossing drive in was still around. My family loved that thing in the summer. Fun Friday night, get all of the kids into a double-feature for cheap, bring your own snacks + lawn chairs + snuggly comforters and pillows and plushes if you needed them. I have such fond memories of that time, before there was so much drama and everyone grew up and some of us grew apart… 

But, man, Jurassic Park… I remember being so crazy impressed with the CG, which I was incredibly picky about even then as a little kid. And drive in screens are SO HUGE so that dinosaurs were just GIGANTIC (as well they should be!). And we actually got rained on during the t-rex scene, though it was just a little bit of sprinkling so of course we weathered through it… gosh it was cool. Best ever. Movie magic, right there. *swooning sigh*

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

An ex friend of mine forgot that she told me she wanted to plan a big party for me until, like, the day before and got mad at me and told me to do it. I told her we could just go out to dinner instead and she was really upset. :/ I started planning my own parties from then on and just invited people. No more of that.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

I’m really good at finding elements that I like about people/things, and I can talk myself into pretty much anything… but I’m afraid that it makes me seem insincere… and I have had people tell me that no one can be that nice/accepting/enthusiastic, so they can’t accept my compliments or feel like I’m trying to get something out of them when I just genuinely like complimenting people. :||| 

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

Uhhhmmm… people tell me that my hands are tiny and cute?????

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

IDK I’ve had a lot of horrible dreams. In high school especially, it seemed like every night I was having a dream where I was being hunted down, raped, and then murdered. I honestly don’t know where they came from… and it definitely did NOT help me want to go to bed.

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

Maybe 10th grade? I was finally applying myself in school and getting good grades, doing tons and tons of drawing, roleplaying every day, discovering how much I loved writing, in a capella choir in school, had a couple of friends, an online boyfriend, saw my then-best-friend once or twice a month for fun weekend hangout binges, cooked a lot for my family, was exercising after school on my own terms, and was really really excited about the future. Good times. Very self-motivated, very productive. Lots of time to myself to think. Friends without a ton of social pressure. Worked part-time as a substitute janitor so got to explore the school at night, which was cool. I listened to a lot of Offspring, and learned about Commercial Art and why it’s so amazing.

I miss that. 

22: Talk about your worst fear.

Forgetting things, probably… Back when I had cancer stuff, I was severely hypothyroid a lot of the time, so there are these huge gaps in my memory, and that really, really freaks me out. Ever since, I have been prone to forgetting about stuff unless I’m really careful. I mean, I’ve always had attention problems, but not having a thyroid gland really does NOT help that at ALL. I’ll sometimes be talking to someone and forget what I’m saying halfway through and it just… ugh. No. 

I watched my grandma completely forget about everything over time when she was diagnosed with alzheimer’s… to the point where, at my dad’s funeral, she kept asking my aunt who died… that’s terrifying. 

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

When we lived in Texas, there was this park just around the corner with a playground and this swampy area with huge bamboo shoots.. my brothers and I used to go and play there, but we weren’t allowed to go down near the water. My dad would cut down bamboo poles for us to fight each other with, though, since… you know, we were ninja turtles or something. It was rad. 

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

I’d say it was the cancer recovery because hyperextended neck and throat cut open holy shit but no I’mma go with ovarian cyst rupture in high school where I was rolling on the floor, vomiting from how bad the pain was, and not even lortab touched it. I just had to wait it out. That sucked. 

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

I had this internet boyfriend from Canada that always made fun of and corrected my spelling/grammar (which is probably why I’m okay at it now, honestly), and forced me into debates about my religious beliefs and stuff all the time. He was a smart guy who got into a fancy liberal college at 16, so it was all sorts of ego and I think he liked that I was so willing to jump through hoops for him. I don’t know why I was so desperate for his approval, but I was. 

I studied hard to get better at writing so he wouldn’t be embarrassed by me, and I did a SHIT TON of research about my opinions on all things ethics so that I could match his debates… all while he talked about all of these girls he kept seeing around campus that he really wanted to date and whining to me that they weren’t interesting and I wasn’t allowed to feel upset about it because he agreed to be my boyfriend as long as we both remained “objective” about the fact that it was long distance and the chances of us actually being together were slim, so we should take any opportunity to date in RL if it came up.

But man. After I helped him through several tough rejections from other girls, he decided he really did like me and talked about how we should meet in person and how he really wanted to kiss me and I was struck by the fact that I thought that was really gross and I DID NOT WANT TO KISS HIM NO SIR.

And the only time he ever seemed to show approval was when I was willing to compromise my own feelings for whatever he wanted. I remember one of the only times he told me that he loved me first was when he asked if having kids some day was a requirement, and I said “well I really want kids, but that would be something that would have to be mutually decided on between me and whoever I marry” and he was like “I love you” and I was just like :/ 

Soon after, he asked me to give him an ego stroke (like literally, he asked me to compliment him a bunch so that he could feel even cooler about himself that day, I guess he was having fun), and after I came up with a list of objective qualities (because he was always very picky about the compliments I was allowed to give to him; they had to be just so), he asked if there was any reason why I wouldn’t want to be with him forever and

uh

I dumped him

oops.

3: Talk about the person for which you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings.

COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN THE AFOREMENTIONED PERSON IS AARON, that guy that I totally married and have been with forever and he is just amazing okay like

During the whole cancer thing people were all “omg what are you going to do about your boyfriend” and I was all ??? and they said “Well people don’t want to stay with someone who has cancer!” and then Aaron was like “WTF??? I’M NOT GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HER BECAUSE SHE HAS CANCER WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU” and so on

like the notion, to him, was completely absurd.

He is the best person in the entire world and I love him to bits and pieces and aahhh <3 <3 <3 <3 such a cutie and so smart and he gets all embarrassed when I compliment him and he does things like go to the store to get something and also get a little thing of peanut butter m&ms because he knows that I like them but I almost never ever buy candy for myself 

and he’ll wear the Detective Conan shirt that I bought him and he won’t even be embarrassed

AND AND AND

WHEN HE GETS A CAN OF SODA he almost ALWAYS puts it against my cheek because he knows I think it’s SO CUTE that Shinichi does that to Ran and then he always laughs at me when I squeak because it’s COLD and he is just so amused and 

omfg <3 

…

yeah anyway <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 ahhh feels