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“Ooooo~ Hakuba. That’s going a bit fast isn’t it and thank you for the compliment.” Kaito winked and blushed a bit but stood and moved away from the detective. He reached for his belt and slowly dragged it free then unsnapped the button. Careful of his leg he slowly shifted the fitting material down his legs. Once off he swung the pants over his shoulders and leaned back against the couch to stay off his leg and to access the damage to it.

“Done.” He stated in a calm serious tone. The damage to his leg wasn’t too bad only two out of the six sutures had torn free but that didn’t mean the pain was any less. He moved stiffly towards the stair intent on get the first aid kit.

Hakuba stared, startled all over again, and glanced from Kaito down to his hand and the severed connection, taking a moment to recover. And then it was pantless Kaito that had his attention, and he blinked several times to comprehend…  

“Ah – hey now! You stay right there, I’ll handle the sutures; everything is in my duffel!” He struggled to get to his feet, not nearly so graceful or agile as Kuroba had been, and hurried to his own supplies. “You sit your ass right down and let me take care of it, Kuroba-kun!”

It was odd how they could come so far so quickly and snap right back into their banter with only seconds of separation. It left the detective’s head spinning, but he was determined to take charge. For now. 

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Out of fear that Hakuba was leaving Kaito gripped onto his hand and looked up worriedly. When the detective sat down next to him he relaxed some and leaned against him. Shoulder to shoulder he began to stretch out his legs. He hissed and jerked his knee up on his bad leg. Glancing down he watched blood start to seep through the denim. A memory of Hakuba fussing at him about popping his stitches peeked through then vanished. Unable to stop he snorted then began a steady building laugh. Till he had to cover them with his hand. It was the irony of it that got to him.

“I tore my stitches.” He sniffed through some of the giggles.

The seriousness of the conversation dissolved again as Hakuba glanced down, then up at Kaito’s face at the announcement. The expression he wore was one of pained and tried patience, jaw slacking as he ran his free hand down the side of his face. “Oh, bloody hell, Kuroba-kun! I told you not to…!  GOD!" 

He hung his head in defeat, fingers carding through his hair, rubbing at the back of his head in frustration. It was humorous, he had to admit, but it was no time for literary cycles and inter-piece references. 

”God, you’re going to have to take your pants off all over again so that I can restitch you up… bloody hell. You’re a fucking lunatic, you know?“

At least he just sounded mildly irritated instead of genuinely upset. 

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Kaito shot his head up and gave him a half glare. He was too strung out to try anything more. He laid his head back down tension had settled into his lower back and was refusing to budge. Now he was being teased and he wasn’t sure whether he liked it or not. At least now he could sympathize with those he teased.

He’d hoped for a laugh, but with that failed, the smile faded. As if the silence weren’t enough, the glare certainly conveyed what Hakuba believed he meant. He felt bad about it, too, holding onto his hand as he moved to sit against the wall next to him, looking straight ahead. 

“I do need you, too, you know.” He sighed. “And… thank you for being honest with me.”

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Kaito let out a quiet short laugh that began like a sigh and rested his head onto their hands. “How could I forget?”

Hakuba closed his eyes again, able to breathe a little easier as that laugh had broken the tension. Thank god! His smile fell into place, no longer forced, and he managed a chuckle of his own. “The whiskey, perhaps.”

After squeezing his hand, he shifted positions again, pulling his legs out to settle directly on the floor. Hakuba never could kneel like that for long, not when he could help it. At least he was wearing jeans instead of dress slacks. 

“But try not to fret; you didn’t give too much away…" 

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Kaito stilled when he sensed Hakuba approach. So many scenarios ran through his mind and some if not all ended in the other leaving. Slowly he raise his head, eyes wet with unshed tears and cheeks flushed in the lack of oxygen to his head from squeezing his legs to his chest. He noticed the outstretched hand and timidly took.

Hope was a bitch that just kept coming back.

He scooted closer once he had Kaito’s hand, shifting so that he could hold it a little more comfortably, though his eyes never left his face. There was still so much stirring beneath the surface for them both, and he knew it. But there was time. That fact was cemented in him then; he would make time. Somehow. Whether that meant staying or making their remaining time as productive as possible, he wasn’t certain, but it was time to meet the inevitable head-on. 

Finally.

“It’s all right, Kuroba-kun,” Hakuba said, voice soft as he switched back to Japanese, accent present, but fading quickly. With it came a small, but hopeful, smile. “I’m annoyingly persistent, remember?”

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Kaito slowly looked up and watched him. As his breathe caught on a sob he crumpled in on himself and dropped to the ground in a ball. “There … I was so sure ….you …..”

Wrapping his arms around his legs he laid his eyes on his knees and rocked. He still couldn’t believe this. This was all a dream. Some lovely, twisted messed up dream and he was pass out in some alley way. Gods knows that it wouldn’t be the first time something like this had happened.

The detective stood still, tension in his shoulders leaving with a quiet sigh as he watched the display of vulnerability. It hurt to see him like this. It killed him to see that strong, vibrant person cave under the weight of everything. All of that truth that he’d known, right there before him; subtext and inference in sudden, concrete detail. 

Hakuba watched him for a moment, aching, and slipped the watch back into his pocket. For all of the talk of having wanted to bring the criminal to his knees oh so long ago, he hated to see it now. 

He crossed the room in silence and, with careful movements he’d had to learn in preparation for his return to Japan- days before meeting Kuroba for the first time -he lowered himself to the ground and knelt in front of him. Dipping his head in a bow appropriate to their familiarity, Hakuba held himself still, counting with his eyes closed, then slowly sat back on his heels.

There was nothing to say as he reached a hand for one of Kaito’s.

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He leaped at the sudden movement and ran to the opposite wall. “I’m sorry, Hakuba. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for it ….I just…..” He buried his face into his hands and shook. “I’m sorry. Look I can understand If you’re disgusted or weird-out by this. I just ….” His back hit the wall. 

There was nothing he could do but apologize. Gods he was stupid. Confessing like that. ADMITTING that! He just destroyed that last little lifeline he had left with the detective. What was he supposed to do now?

“N-no… No I…” Hakuba shook his head, faltering from Kaito’s retreat, though he managed to, somehow, keep upright. “I’m not… I mean, I…" 

It was frustrating to feel so much and not be able to express it. He ran a hand through his hair, furious with himself and the situation, agonizing over every second lost, and looked up to the ceiling just pleading for a moment to breathe. 

The pocket watch. His fingers twitched, slipping into his pocket to retrieve the watch, which he fumbled, caressing, flipping it open to count. There wasn’t time for the whole ritual. He didn’t even look at the watch, just counted in his head. Deep breath. Slow exhale. 

He didn’t dare approach, much as he wanted to, his own feelings too raw, his fear of scaring Kuroba off too near.

When he continued, Hakuba spoke in English. Proper. Earnest.

"Please don’t misunderstand me, Kuroba.” He paused. “Kaito. I’m not disgusted, just terribly confused. It’s difficult to take in all at once. But, for all that’s been said…”  Hakuba said, hesitating, though he did all that he could to keep his voice steady. 

“I’ve not changed my opinion whatsoever: I can’t lose you, either.”

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“Hmmmmm beside you knowing almost everything about me and probably having twenty-some odd files based on KID you’re making this difficult to say something you don’t know.” Kaito smirked and stretched his legs out as well. Ankles brushed against the detective’s leg and he hooked his hands behind his head. 

“Something you don’t know. The assassin’s who are after me belong to a group call the Organization, Snake is the leader of the group and I despise every fiber of his pathetic being. I got shot by one of his lackeys at the heist last night and I’m praying to the GODS that he hasn’t committed suicide by cyanide molar.” He took a moment to collect himself and force down the memories of Jii. “I have about twelve different assistants who work with me at random heists. They are never together at the heists and I can’t tell you who they are because I respect their privacy and decision to support me and I’d lay down my life to protect them. I also have a give take relationship with one, Kudo Shinichi.” He smiled. He had some ‘fond’ memories of the detective.

“I’m an active member in the Underground criminal network and go to gatherings to find information about different targets whether they enter Japan legally or by other means. It also where I can buy most of my equipment supplies in bulk with out arising suspension. I have also had a very HEALTHY and active sexual life from which I know I have no children. If I did I’d keep them and be the father I never had.”

“My father …. was murdered by someone in that organization. By whom I don’t know but if I find out I’m not sure I won’t be able to hold myself back in killing them.” He shifted and covered his eyes. “I hate them, Hakuba, I hate them SO much.”

He laughed bitterly. “I have also never been in love. True I love my mother and I love Jii. I love Aoko like a sister but in love with someone … I don’t even I want to. I’d be so scared to lose them. I can’t lose them.”

He leaned over and sighed. He was tired. So tired of everything. “I can’t lose you.” He whispered lightly then exploded with emotion. Leaping in his seat he stared horrified at the wall. Pain and anguish crossed his face as he buried it in an attempt to hide. He brought his legs up to his face and curled in to a small ball. Everything was to keep those words from escaping into the room. 

There was so much. Too much. 

Overwhelmed, Hakuba listened in silence. He had responses for most of the information, even the more shocking revelations, but the words didn’t come. Wouldn’t come. Not until Kuroba was finished. Which was exceptionally difficult for him. Canned speeches pulled at his mind like sighthounds at the end of their leash, rabbit on the run, straining and whining to be released. 

Kudou Shinichi. What did he have to do with Kid aside from the heist with the bloody clocktower that he’d missed? Just how close were they? Give and take relationship? 

Twelve assistants – far more than he’d expected, but it made sense. He wouldn’t press for their identities, though he felt a twinge of jealousy. Kuroba wasn’t exactly alone in this, was he? Not like the detective was. No, that was ridiculous; they were colleagues at best. He knew that sort of relationship well.

Underground criminal network? No surprise there. 

…healthy, active sex life. Uh. Hakuba felt the heat rise in his cheeks and kept his gaze focused squarely on the table in front of him, eyes widening. Not that he could talk; he’d had his suspicions about Kuroba and the way that he acted, the way he’d been so confident about certain things, but even so… He wish he hadn’t known, even if it made some things easier. It also, clearly, didn’t involve Nakamori Aoko. 

All at once, he was far too aware of the other teenager’s contact with his leg, and he found himself completely unable to decide how he felt about it. 

Still reeling, the blond almost missed the part about wanting Kaito wanting to murder someone. Someones. He blinked, glancing up at him, and regretted it the moment Kaito moved on to the next piece of information. 

I have also never been in love.

What did that mean? He wasn’t in love. That meant he wasn’t in love with him. It hurt. God it hurt. For so many reasons. But then… But then…? 

I don’t even I want to.
I’d be so scared to lose them.
I can’t lose them.

…I can’t lose you.

Hakuba shook his head, suddenly sucking in a breath at Kaito’s reaction, the movement, the sound, everything. He pushed back from the table, toppling the chair and sending it clattering to the floor. Then he stared. Frozen. Heart pounding. Trying to breathe. Dizzy, light-headed. So much information. So many emotions. So much of everything all at once, and coupled with the night before, coupled with the last time he was there, in that very same kitchen, with the scent of that very same goddamned tea…! 

But he had to say something. Had to fill the silence. Had to react. And not by nearly flipping the table. He couldn’t keep standing there, shocked and startled and all together more like a deer in headlights than the proud and confident stag he was purported to be. Say something, you bloody git! 

“I- ah… I…” Hakuba glanced around himself, eyes darting in panic as he struggled to summon any words that might be able to convey something of how he was feeling, even though he didn’t have a ruddy clue, himself.

“Just… just what are you trying to say, Kuroba-kun?” He gulped. “Y-you can’t be serious… I know what you said last night, but…”  

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Right, back burner. Kaito forced himself to keep a good poker face just to hide the squirming pain. “Ah, right, if your in the country …. forgot that you…..”

He shook his head and kept his voice light. “Come on we better eat before it gets cold.”

He reached for the tea and watched his hands shake. Horrified with him self he clenched his teeth and picked them up along with the plates and silver wear. He set the plates down and rested his hands on the table.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-won’t bring KID up anymore. That’s not … what I wanted.” he sighed.

“No, it’s… it’s all right. I know that we should likely discuss it at some point, assuming that you’re open to it…”  Hakuba watched him, fighting his own pain at seeing the other tremble. After having observed him for so long, there were so many tells that he’d become accustomed to. It never got easier, though. “I mean, I don’t want to accidentally compromise you or anything like that…”

Was this really helping their situation, though? Hakuba pulled back the chair, attempting to do so in a way that wouldn’t scrape it too loudly, and winced. 

“Incidentally, I still haven’t decided… Just so you know.”