This song always makes me think about Hakuba’s gradual descent into madness, particularly where Spider/White Chapel/PTSD/eidetic memory problems are concerned…
You have to wonder just how far he’ll go before he eventually snaps.
…incidentally, it’s the most played song on the NaNo playlist for the novel he was writing, too.
The dawn of the fourth day, Thursday, March 27th, found one Hakuba Saguru up early to prepare. First it was jogging, which had become a daily ritual without school to get in the way, then a shower, and finally breakfast with tea. Once the newspaper had been scoured, the detective checked all of his messages, called into the station, and prepped his paperwork for next week’s cases over more tea.
He drove through Tokyo traffic to deliver the case files and stopped for a light lunch with his father, who couldn’t make it, then stopped by a bookshop before finally going to the grocer for some last minute items for the evening. The cook had already begun the roast hours beforehand, but he was going to make dessert himself, for which his fairly particular tastes required personal selection.
Three hours to go. The mansion was spotless, the dining room set, the wine selected and chilled, and the chocolate cake cooling. When Baaya asked what he was going through so much trouble for, he simply shrugged and offered a helpless, “Mum raised me to be a good host, Baaya. That’s all.”
Ten minutes to, Hakuba straightened his tie, looking himself over in the floor-length mirror on the inside of his closet door. He looked fine, of course. He always did. There was nothing to be nervous about; simply meeting a friend for dinner and drinks, something long overdue for classmates. Kuroba had been his only friend, really, and even then they hadn’t been particularly close… Hakuba sighed, shut the closet door, and nearly tripped over one of his handful of moving boxes scattered about his bedroom floor.
None of them were packed or sealed except one next to the book case; books were always the easiest to pack as they fit into boxes and stacked so neatly. Even then, he’d had to open and reseal it twice already to get at books he’d wanted to reread in his empty evenings.
It wasn’t as if he knew where he was going yet, either. For all he knew, he was staying in Ekoda for the foreseeable future. The thought made him wince, but he brushed it off and left the room to begin the trek to the front of the house. He didn’t want to be mussed when his guest arrived, hopefully, right on time…
Send me a “( ø∑ø)” for our muses to wake up next to each other in the early morning after a One Night Stand together.
The quiet breathing and the barest shift of movement beside him was enough to pull the thief out of dreamland and back into the world of the living. Blue eyes blearily blinked open, but soon closed again as Sylwen burrowed himself deeper under the covers and closer to the warm body sleeping next to him.
He had a feeling that Hakuba was either going to kill him, freak out – which seemed more likely than anything else – offer him a cup of tea or coffee, or kick him out. Or all of the above. In that order.
Not that Sylwen particularly cared about how the detective was going to react when he woke up, because he was still too sleepy and Hakuba was warm and comfortable and Sylwen was just going to take this chance to keep snuggling up against him.
Yeah, that sounded pretty good.
And then he could tease the blond and watch him freak out as much as he wanted when he woke up.
All of those were fairly likely possibilities given the circumstances, but for the time being, Hakuba only tightened his arms around the body next to him. His head hurt; that much he was aware of, and he could tell that he was in his own bed, because the threadcount in the sheets was just perfect. The goose down comforter kept the warmth in quite nicely, which was appreciated as he and his companion, whoever it was, were clearly naked.
Memories filtered in like rain though cracks in the sidewalk, catching on roots or sand, but eventually seeping to his pool of thought. Yesterday had been his birthday, which explained the alcohol and in turn explained the headache. This body, though… Hakuba chanced opening one of his eyes just enough to get a glance at the dark hair against his shoulder, heart fluttering briefly. It was…
No, it wasn’t. He smirked against the ache and shifted against the mattress to roll toward him, hand drawing up the thief’s back to his shoulderblades, hefting a sleepy sigh. Closing his eyes, he let his fingers dip into his hair, petting, while threading an ankle between Sylwen’s.
“Quite the present,” he murmured, settling again.
Kaito nodded and let his hand fall to his side. “In four days then.”
Another laugh. “Thursday, March 27th…” Hakuba shook his head and went for the door, letting himself out. “Ja, Kuroba-kun."
There was a certain thrill in being so informal with his former classmate. Though it raised plenty of red flags, Hakuba felt pleased. For every step forward, they’d taken several back. But still, every venture, even unspoken, couldn’t be taken back, and they had begun to chip away at something…
Only time would tell exactly what that something was.
“I’ll try … Oh, and Hakuba.” He smiled that lopsided tooth grin and barely brushed his hand over the others. “Thank you.”
At the door, Hakuba slipped his sandals on, barely noticing the hand contact. He glanced down, anyway, then back up at Kaito with a quirking smile of his own. “It was my pleasure, Kuroba-kun. See you soon."
“The impression you give off certainly doesn’t make it seem that WAY."
Attempts to soften her stern expression seemed to fade more into the neutrality she was once often known for. “Of course, there’s nothing I can do to stop YOU. Do as you WISH. The temperance of one’s indulgences, after all, can be quite a taxing MATTER…”
"Please, Miss Knox,” Hakuba laughed, lifting his chin in haughty air. “I drink tea a fair greater percentage than liquor. Consider the facts- on an average day, I have at the very least four cups of tea. Some days more, some days less. Scotch, however…” The detective glanced down at his nails, examining them with mild interest. “A shot at best, two or three times a week… along with the occasional binge. You see, proportionally speaking, tea is king. As always.”
((Debated, then decided to put it all behind a cut, ha ha ha~))
Ragged, shallow breaths were the only thing filling the silence stretching thickly through the dark, cold room – apart from the faint buzzing deep within one of the corners, but Kaito tried not to think about that, pushing the sound to the back of his mind to the very best of his abilities. If he continued listening, if he focused on that—
He choked on a cry, body stiffening and eyes clenching shut. His fingers, smeared with his own blood, dug into his scalp as he pressed himself further against the wall, another whimper and strangled sob leaving his raw throat at the burning electricity flaring through his nerves as he further agitated his wounds.
Stupid stupid stupid
If only he’d said ‘no’, if only he’d listened to that faint voice in the back of his head, if only he hadn’t been so stupid and naive—
Another shiver wracked through his bloodied frame and he knew he was cold and he knew it was bad and he knew he needed help – help please someone I can’t do this I can’t I can’t I can’t someone help me please – but the voices chanting in his mind, over and over
‘Pathetic’
‘Worthless’
‘Stupid’
‘Whore’
was drowning everything else out, numbing his senses of everything but the hollow feeling spreading through his entire being.
Worthless stupid tainted unworthy pathetic idiot naive fool child what’s the point stay why don’t you stay close your eyes it’s fine it doesn’t matter no one cares they shouldn’t why would they just stay it’s better if you just—
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kaito could hear another buzzing join the first- it was faint, so, so faint and far away – and it sounded once, twice, three, four times, before dying away completely. He knew what it was. He’d heard it a thousand times before and it was enough to make a glimmer of something akin to hope – but it was so incredibly faint, barely visible and there at all unless one knew where and how to look – flicker in his chest along with a cold sense of panic, horror and dread and Kaito slowly opened his eyes, gaze hazily flickering in the direction of where the sound had come.
help me
Never before had Hakuba broken so many traffic laws in one stretch, but he didn’t care. Every time his calls went to voicemail, he added another 3.5 miles per hour to his speed, and it was only his experience and the adrenaline rush that kept him crashing into other cars instead of swerving around them.
Once on scene, he parked his car – very illegally – as close as he possibly could to the store in question, slapped the ‘official police business’ declaration in the window, and leapt to retrieve his medical field bag. It was then a jog to Conan, who waited at the very edge of the glass store front, staring down any onlookers with extreme prejudice.
It was his presence – the young, innocent child with the death glare – that kept the public mostly at bay. Could they look in on the horrors with a kid there? Especially one intent on snapping if anyone got too close. Not that it didn’t stop them from trying, wanting to lead him away… but, fortunately, Hakuba got there first.
“He’s with me. Official police business. Please be on your way.” Hakuba’s badge was only a consultant’s, but the seal was legitimate, and worked well enough on the lay person. Heavy duffel over one arm and black police windbreaker on his person, the detective asserted his quasi-authority to take control of the scene.
Despite his previous statement, Hakuba changed his mind as soon as they found the entry point, glancing into the dark. He heard the rasping breaths, the quiet electric hum, and glanced down at the boy at his side. “Go home, Conan-kun.”
“Like hell."
Hakuba blinked, brows furrowing at the response. ”…You’ve done your part; I’ll take over.“
"Oi, stop wasting time. Let’s move.”
Conan pushed past Hakuba without another word, leaving the blond to chase after. With a flick of his wrist, he had the flashlight activated on his watch, scanning the area for something, anything – persons, traps, instruments of torture, splashes of blood…
The tension had them both on edge, and as they ventured further, Hakuba shifted his firearm from left to right hand, ready. He kept watch above, eyes adjusting to the dark while his little companion scoured the floor, both listening, waiting.
Name: Gab (jk it’s Melissa)
Age (if you’re comfortable!): 29 (sob)
How old were you when you first started RP-ing?: 12
Height: 5’6
OC’s or Canons?: Gosh, up until I started playing in DCMK, I only played OCs. Lion King, Pokemon, MLP, etc.
Prefer to play females or males?: Males, primarily, but I tend to split the percentage 60/40. My boys just tend to be LOUD and GREEDY for attention.
Favorite face claim to play: N/A? I use the manga caps for both Conan and Hakuba, and other OCs I just drew back in the day…
Least favorite face claim: N/A
Worst rp experience ever: UGH TOO MANY TO NAME. I have been RPing for FAR too long. It usually boils down to someone being possessive… ESPECIALLY when they won’t take ‘NO’ for an answer.
Fluff, angst, or smut?: Angst is my favorite… good, violent, character-driven plot with terrible things that they have to overcome. Then, you sprinkle in moments of fluff for good pacing, and the occasional suggestive thing when romance is involved. I don’t publish smut as a general rule.
Most overused FC: N/A
First character you ever made: I think that would be my anthropomorphic dog, Samuel Clide, who was a spy… Or do you mean RP character? In that case, it’d be… … Samuel the anthro dog WIZARD for a table top RPG. Online RPing, though, would be Folade the Ethopian Wolf on TLKMUCK.
Worst character you’ve ever played: Nero the Houndoom-Morph was pretty nasty. So fun to play, but geez he’s evil. If you mean worst in terms of quality… good question. I usually played on places that required applications, so I had to put a lot of thought/time into each one.
Favorite type of plot: As mentioned above, I’m a sucker for painful character development. Also arguments.
At what time of day is your writing the best?: Late at night, definitely. Around 11pm or so and onward until 3-4am. Alas, I work 9-5 monday-friday…
Are you anything like your muse?: Ugh, yes. I’m pretentious and over-analyze EVERYTHING. Also stupid sensitive in the worst ways. But then, I guess I put a lot of myself into all of the characters that I write for…
Worst thing about RP (in general or on Tumblr): It’s REAAAALLLYYYY difficult to get closure. So many threads take forever, many get dropped, people lose interest…
To end on a good note — best thing about RP?: I love the archiving on tumblr and how people can enjoy the writing that I do with others. RP in general, though… Like Sami said, great practice and friendships. So fun to explore tons of different avenues by writing together. <3
Tag five or more awesome people: akaikujixyaku harajukuharuspex okiya-subaru blackorgkaito lxttledipper smokebombsandmirrors john-watson-rp
Kaito had turned back to him just in time to see him smack into the frame. He blinked and covered his mouth in an attempt to hide the smile and laugh. pulling on the low riding sweat pants he hurried down stairs to him.
After making it down the steps and back into the living room without further mishap- pausing only briefly to glance into the kitchen where breakfast sat woefully uneaten -Hakuba hurried to gather his medical duffel and toss it over his shoulder, not wishing anything to further deter his leaving and, thus, ability to destress.
Kuroba’s choice in clothing didn’t help matters, though, as he hesitated once the other approached.
“Good luck with your leg,” he said, forcing his gaze toward the door, which he diligently walked toward once Kaito had caught up. “Please promise me you’ll take it easy for the next little while?"
He went to say something and froze open mouthed where he stood. The sudden urge to just simply kiss the man was definitely NOT what he was wanting to do just then. Yet …. His gazed drop to Hakuba’s lips before they quickly moved back to his eyes. Embarrassed with himself again Kaito smiled just a little to quickly. “I-I’ll walk you out.”
He actually stuttered. HE did. Shifting in place for a moment he remember that he was standing in just a shirt and his tight underwear. “Just let me grab some pants. Yeah, I need those. Don’t want the neighbors to see.”
He was rambling now small little whispers to distract himself from the still fresh urge.
Hakuba noticed the glance. Noticed that look. He blinked, ignoring that his cheeks colored yet again for the hundredth time since arriving at the Kuroba home, and forced an awkward chuckle in an attempt to cover it. Right, yes. Kaito just wanted to walk him out. Suuuuuuure…
Of course, at the mention of Kuroba’s lack of pants, the detective looked him over again to verify that, yes, indeed, those were some very bare legs. Oh. O-oh. Closing his eyes and turning away, he nodded with overly enthusiastic agreement. “Right, yes, pants are a very good idea. I’ll, ah, I’ll meet you downstairs,” he stammered, and immediately ran into the doorframe before stumbling out into the hall.
Ow.
Cue more nervous laughter as he hurried to the stairs, bright red and one hand against his forehead, carefully watching his step.
