“You’re missing the part where I actually did like you, enjoyed your company, and allowed you to be closer to me than anyone has in a long time.” She gritted her teeth and her volume raised significantly for the following part. “I even let you see me in sweat pants for crying out loud! Do you know how many people have seen me in sweat pants!?”
It might seem silly to anyone else, but allowing someone to see her in that less-than-flawless state meant quite a lot to her because it meant trust.
“It was just as silly of me to go along with it longer than necessary just because of pointless infatuation. Do you want me to apologize? Because I won’t. There isn’t any point in it. What’s done is done and your incessant need to wallow in the past isn’t healthy.”
“I know it isn’t healthy. Neither is the alcohol, or the cigarettes – were you aware of those? Or the double, triple workloads that I take on? The one night stands.. Hah! None of it is. I know that. You know that. More than anyone else, possibly. I’m not proud of what I do. In fact, Koizumi-san, I…"
He shook his head.
"I appreciate what you’ve tried to do. I… I just.. I don’t understand. If you liked me so much, why did you…? Why did you use me like that? Surely you know… Surely you… with…”
The detective’s words trailed off as his gaze lowered to the floor, at a loss for how to describe what he felt.. mostly because he didn’t know how to decipher it, himself.