Monthly Archives: June 2013

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Unsent Letters

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“…Okay, okay… I can take a hint. I’ll write a letter to Kuroba-kun. I doubt that I’ll send it, however… it’ll go in the journal with the rest of them, but then you can get off of my back about it.”

…

Dearest Kuroba-kun,

It’s no secret that I’m fond of you. At least, I hope that my mannerisms express this fact to you. I have enjoyed getting to know you, and watching you mature as you’ve taken your responsibilities more seriously. Your work ethic has improved, as has your manner. I don’t know if this is simply you becoming the man that you will be or if it is strongly influenced by your work…

Ah, but I’m getting off track… this isn’t to be an evaluation of your character, though I can say that I am pleased with how you have handled most obstacles thus far, and-

Again, getting off track.

I don’t know what I am to you… what we are together. In the grand scheme of things, that probably doesn’t matter so much. You have your work, I have mine. Regardless of what the median of our feelings convey, we will continue on as always… avoidance, secrets, lies. It’s part of our lot in life and I can accept that. Really, I can. I’m used to living a lie. I do it all of the time. But…

…now I’ve become vulnerable to you, something I did not want to do. When I said that I was wrapped around your finger, I meant it. I’m certain I’ll tell you one day how I fell for you, and my concerns for how it may put us both at great risk. If you asked me to do something, whatever it was, I would do it. If you specified ‘no questions asked,’ I would keep my lips sealed. I’ve put my trust in your hands because I believe with conviction that you are an honest, peaceful person despite your occupation. Underneath all of that bravado is a person who truly cares. You’ve ruined me.

I have vain hopes that, one day, you might care for me with such passion. I know that you are protective of me and are willing to spend time with me… even close, personal time… but I do not believe that you love me. I can’t see how you possibly could, as you know almost nothing about me. And how could you?  Hattori-san even said it so aptly before that I carry my own cross and refuse to share the burden. I keep everything locked away from everyone. Heart sealed, cold, stone walls around me, pushing everyone away. 

I hope that my feeling this way does not hurt you (but then I will not be sending this letter)… I am only being honest. I care greatly for you, and hope that you will learn my secrets… that I might be important enough to you that you’ll solve the mystery that I cannot.  

Perhaps some day… when we’re older, wiser… when the world is a better place, if that can ever be.

In my mind I hear you laughing at me, amused. Chiding me for taking things so seriously, that I should try to enjoy myself and our time together instead. I don’t think you understand just how difficult that is for me /because/ it’s you and not some foolish, spoiled rich one night stand that I’ve picked up at a benefit. I respect you. I admire you. I…

I won’t say that I love you, either, as I only have my investigative reports and observations to go off of… Until I learn about you from your lips, and reach a common ground /with/ you…

This is so difficult to talk and to write about. 

It’s just that… I will not let myself make the same mistake again. I cannot. I don’t think that I could survive going through it another time… and I would hate to tarnish your name in my heart forever more.

I can’t stand the thought of that… I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. 

God, why is this so difficult? 

I’m so sorry for being so bloody fucked up.

Yours,

S. J. Hakuba

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“…It’s just… no good.”

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TAOC: Report || ATT: Kirigiri Kyouko

detectivephiliac:

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Yes, that sounds like a good idea. Now, if we’re done here…

*She stands up; unconsciously stretching her legs as she stares ahead absently for a moment.*

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Thank you for your efforts in this case, Hakuba-san. I look forward to our next meeting.

“I as well, Kirigiri-san… Thank you for taking the time to come down here to discuss the report.”  

Hakuba watched her, smile faint, then stepped to the door to let her out.

“Good luck, Detective." 

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TAOC: Report || ATT: Kirigiri Kyouko

detectivephiliac:

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Yes, you’d certainly do better than me at achieving the switch… But don’t get yourself killed, of course. It would be unfortunate…

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So waiting… Yes, I suppose I’ll take that course of action. Perhaps I’ll find something important to do in that time…

*Which included procrastinating on looking for evidence of her lost memories. She didn’t know why she even considered doing it, since it was so low on her priorities anyways. Maybe she could try and investigate some split personality-related cases as well – if she felt daring, maybe she could speak with Fukawa… or Syo. Though she could already see the chances of getting anything out of that were very low anyways…*

“It would be unfortunate for…”  Hakuba repeated her words, blinking and surprised, but ended with shrug. “Ah, yes, it would be unfortunate indeed. I shall do my best not to die while facing our potentially wayward colleague." 

This said, the detective checked his watch, considering.

"It’s likely a bit late for me to try to schedule a meeting with Hattori-san today. I will try again tomorrow and keep you updated on my progress. Shall we meet again in a few days to a week, unless something happens in the interim?" 

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TAOC: Report || ATT: Kirigiri Kyouko

detectivephiliac:

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Yes, getting anyone else involved would be unfavourable… To be honest, I was wary about getting you involved with this. I wasn’t sure how you’d take this idea, having never met you before, and it felt like I was the only one who could possibly believe it. I’m not entirely fond of working with other people on a case… But thankfully it worked out. You exceeded my expectations – which is a nice change…

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Anyways, I’m not entirely sure on how to proceed from here… I’ve already seen this other personality and already tried to corner him with the conclusion you and I ended up later agreeing on… I feel I still don’t have the evidence to get him to admit to this – and it would be even worse to confront him when he’s actually Hattori Heiji, especially when we don’t exactly know what triggers the switch. Perhaps you’d have better luck but I, as much as it displeases me to say this, feel I can only wait until he’s ready to talk to me again… Unless you can think of a better course of action I can take?

“I understand completely,” Hakuba said first, regarding the issue of trust. “I, too, prefer to work alone for much the same reason. As for Hattori-san…” He tilted his head, smirking faintly. “If there’s anyone that can accidentally trigger him into a state of homicidal maniac, it’s me.”

He chuckled, though even he had to admit the joke was a bit in poor taste. Laughter abruptly ended, he cleared his throat with a small cough into a fist.

“Ahem. I’ll make arrangements to meet with him and see what I can find out. Waiting, therefore, does sound like it is the best option for you at this time." 

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phantom-thief-kid:

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Hakuba relaxing so easily after that sudden tense-up was a bit of a surprise, but he was just rolling with it at this point. (He was curious, yes, but that would be something to deal with later.) The enthusiasm and warmth was returned in kind with that kiss, KID moving his hand up to Hakuba’s neck again. 

‘I don’t understand a thing you’re saying, Hakuba.“ He grinned widely, giving Hakuba a mischievous look. It sounded pretty and the tone was driving him up a wall.

"Mmm… I know,” Hakuba said, keeping his voice low and smooth. Their game thus far had made it easier for the detective to get into his role. “That’s rather the point. You like puzzles though, don’t you?”

What he’d said in French wasn’t a puzzle, especially not in the context of what they were doing. He slipped his fingers to the front of KID’s pants and pulled at the fabric, searching for a belt or button to undo while his eyes stayed on Kaito’s. The way he moved his hand was confident and practiced, not at all like when he’d failed at sleight of hand previously. 

Inwardly, Hakuba struggled for control of his head. If they continued much further, it would be very, very hard for him to stop. But he didn’t want to stop in the first place, so it was the thoughts that had to be banished. Why was it so hard to stop thinking? He turned to french once again, murmuring in an almost breathless whisper up against KID’s cheek.

“J’ai besoin de toi.”