“But I was. I was very cruel, just wanting to solve the cases as quickly as possible. I didn’t care if the offenders broke down crying under the pressure or if I … I made it seem that death was there only option. I did so much damage not only to them but their families.” He leaned back and folded his hands in front of him. He stared them and continued. “There … I have blood on my hands. Of those that I’ve push and those I couldn’t save thanks to being so blind. "
He could remember all of there faces. The pain and hopelessness of each one. Their faces used to haunt him at night along with Gin and the organization. So after a while the nightmares diminished and soon stopped all together. He didn’t dream at all any more. Not even to day dream.
Hakuba fell silent for a time as he contemplated Kudou’s words, eyes half-closing to concentrate. "Yet,” he said after a moment or two. “You now see that you were blind. You have made changes, haven’t you? This feeling of sorrow that I get from you is authentic. I trust that it is.”
Even so, he had to admit that he didn’t know Shinichi well enough to give a full assessment, not really, and certainly not of everything. “Holmes was cruel, but he had to be with many of those criminals. He still showed mercy, even to the worst… Boscombe Valley Mystery, you know?"
He flicked the watch open with the press of his thumbnail and studied the time before verifying it with the wristwatch he wore.
"Surely things are different now, Kudou-san."