{"id":7289,"date":"2018-04-30T03:36:21","date_gmt":"2018-04-30T03:36:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/gabapple\/2018\/04\/30\/what-even-is-thiss-ready-edmayne\/"},"modified":"2018-04-30T03:36:21","modified_gmt":"2018-04-30T03:36:21","slug":"what-even-is-thiss-ready-edmayne","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/gabapple\/2018\/04\/30\/what-even-is-thiss-ready-edmayne\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

what-even-is-thiss<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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ready-edmayne<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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therainingkiwi<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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acertainmaybe<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

a-dreaming-equestrian<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

no more\u00a0\u2018vampires who correct history books\u2019<\/p>\n

more vampires who don\u2019t remember
more vampires saying\u00a0\u2018i don\u2019t fucking know man, google it\u2019
more vampires not remembering important historical figures
more vampires not recalling centuries worth of history
more vampires saying\u00a0\u2018 that was at least 300 years ago, how the FUCK could i remember that detail?\u2019
more vampires whose brains work like human brains<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

More vampires who 300 years later can\u2019t remember what was the truth and what was the lie they told to get out of trouble.<\/p>\n

More vampires who are like,\u00a0\u201cI don\u2019t know, man, I spent most of that decade in an opium den.\u201d<\/p>\n

More vampires who weren\u2019t paying attention because they didn\u2019t think it would be important.<\/p>\n

More vampires who don\u2019t know because there was lot of conflicting gossip and they don\u2019t want to point any fingers.<\/p>\n

More vampires who are just bad at dates.\u00a0\u201cBack in 1620, or was it 1645, wait, what year is it now?\u201d<\/p>\n

More vampires who were on a totally different continent when it happened, so get off their back and stop asking them questions already.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

YES to all of this but also consider: vampires who only remember the most trivial stuff.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh yeah, the only thing I remember about the American Revolution was this nice candlemaker I met sometime, and she was wearing this really cute red shawl\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUhhh I don\u2019t remember much about the fall of Rome but there was this one fucking cobblestone right outside the coliseum\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Also consider: vampires who realize three or four hundred years after the fact that they knew someone famous. <\/p>\n

Just sits up in bed one night screaming \u201cTHAT WAS GEORGE GODDAMN WASHINGTON\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

*vampire wakes up his girlfriend in the middle of the night*<\/p>\n

\u201cStacy. Hey, hey Stacy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWh- Eric, what now?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI just realized that I missed the entire Islamic golden age.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWh- what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI missed it, Stacy. The whole thing. I was lost in a forest the whole time. I was so lost.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEric, I\u2019m trying to sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStacy they\u2026 listen here, Stacy. I missed the invention of the number zero. Stacy, Stacy I\u2019m freaking out.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

what-even-is-thiss: ready-edmayne: therainingkiwi: acertainmaybe: a-dreaming-equestrian: no more\u00a0\u2018vampires who correct history books\u2019 more vampires who don\u2019t remembermore vampires saying\u00a0\u2018i don\u2019t fucking know man, google it\u2019more vampires not remembering important historical figuresmore vampires not recalling centuries worth of historymore vampires saying\u00a0\u2018 that was at least 300 years ago, how the FUCK could i remember that detail?\u2019more vampires … Continue reading <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[3021],"class_list":["post-7289","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-vampires","without-featured-image"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/gabapple\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7289","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/gabapple\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/gabapple\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/gabapple\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/gabapple\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7289"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/gabapple\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7289\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/gabapple\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7289"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/gabapple\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7289"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/archive.gabapple.com\/tumblr\/gabapple\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7289"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}